None of the pictures are from the actual incident - this was long before cellphones were a thing. I just added some for illustration purposes.

Many years ago, in my youth, I was a UPS Delivery Driver.

Well, when you are low on the seniority list, you would get all the “leftover” jobs the higher seniority drivers didn’t want. This was one of them.

Typical Michigan winter day, snow, ice, generally crappy road conditions. Well, all of the Ground packages were loaded up – but the Air (Overnight/Priority) packages were stuck in Flint, and our center was based in Saginaw. So, I’m the lucky guy who gets to make the trip.

Not a big deal, actually an easy run – just going to pick up 50 or so packages and bring them back. Sure, the roads are ice covered, but even at a young age I had a lot of experience driving in poor conditions.

The best part about this run, is while you are usually stuck with the crappiest vehicle in the fleet (the ones that the mechanics had held together with duct tape and hope) I got to drive the BRAND NEW Ford Econoline delivery van. One of only 2 of our entire fleet with an automatic transmission, and it had heat!
Damn, I was riding in luxury.

So, I’m halfway between Saginaw and Flint on Southbound I-75 in absolute shitty conditions.

Snowy, windy, and It had been sleeting for the last 20 minutes, so everything was coated in ice.

(Fun fact about driving a rear-wheel-drive, empty delivery van with a fiberglass extended roof in icy conditions and high winds. It is, in fact, not fun. )

I was in the center lane (best condition), cruising along at approximately 40 mph, being passed on both sides by pretty much everyone on the road. I decided I should probably get over to the right lane as I was going much slower than everyone else. Well, the right lane was terrible. Snow covered and worse than the center lane. So I decided to ease back. As I was trying to get back to the slightly better center lane, I went under an overpass and came out to a huge gust of wind from the West, which caught the extended roof, lightweight empty van like a freshly unfurled sail in the Americas Cup yacht race. All of a sudden I was travelling West (still facing South). Luckily I was down to 30-35mph at this time, and there was no other vehicles near me, so I was not panicked. As I was literally being pushed towards the median, my though was “Oh shit, I’m going to get stuck and need to be towed out”.

I need not have worried; I did not get stuck in the median.

As both driver’s side wheels hit the built-up snow/ice/slush on the edge of the road, the van did a complete 360 roll over into the median. Complete roll over. Remember the roof made of fiberglass? Didn’t hold up so well.

I ended up back on all 4 wheels, still facing South – but in the middle of Northbound I-75. Just like this car here:
The van had stalled, but miraculously started up (for the very last time) and I was able to pull it back into the median. Cars were pulling off the side of the road and people were rushing to assist.

I unbuckled, opened my door, and got out.

The truck was a mess.
The roof was crushed, both side mirrors ripped clean off, both sides of the van were crumpled like used wrapping paper. It had less than 500 miles on the odometer.

My only thought was “I am so fired”.

From one of the cars emerged a young woman who came rushing up to me. “Are you ok?”

I’m fine, not a scratch. I tell her.

Then she askes me something that I still chuckle about to this day.

“I’m a nurse, how is your heart rate?”

(Well, I had just destroyed the newest vehicle in our fleet in spectacular fashion.)

It’s a little elevated, I responded. (I mean….duh)

Then the police, ambulances and a few fire trucks show up. From my understanding, it was quite the spectacular crash. People assumed I was dead, or at least seriously injured. The police were surprised to find out I was the driver; as they were getting ready to search for the body that must have obviously been thrown from the van when the vehicular acrobatics occurred.

But, because I was wearing my seatbelt, the van was empty (no packages to fly around and beat me to death) the only “injury” I suffered was a bruise around my shoulder from the seat belt.

I did not get fired (worked another 9 years at UPS) since I was issued no citation. The police determined I was not at fault as they had responded to several other very similar incidents that day.

The most memorable part of this was the mandatory physical exam (per company policy) I undertook the very next day.

When I got to the doctor’s office, the receptionist was taking my medical history.

Did you sustain any injury?
"No"

Do you have any Allergies?
"None"

Are you on any medications?
"Nope"

When was your last bowel movement?
"When I flipped the van"

She actually wrote that down.

After having problems for the last 2 years - I finally have the Fiero back on the road!!! I driven her only about 2 times in the last 2 years due to electrical issues, minor at first, then the fusible links blew (twice), so she got parked in the garage.

I gave up and had her towed to a local shop that I know and trust. They had her over a week (not a high priority since it's not a daily driver). Turned out to be the ground wires. Not a shock as she is 34 years old.

However, it was nice to drive her again. After picking her up from the shop, I took her out on the highway, some back roads, and a quick trip to Menards to get a new battery for the stereo remote (died sometime during the last 2 years - shockingly)

She desperately needs a bath, that will come this weekend.

Finally got around to making my bar a "wet" bar by adding a sink and running water lines.

Also upgraded to a full size fridge instead of 2 mini fridges. Fully (well, mostly fully) stocked.

Arcade is complete - until I decide if I want to add a racing game or not...

Don't know where I would put it - but since I have Galaga on 2 other machines, I might have to replace that one.

Poker/game night is tonight - going to get some use out of the bar for sure.

I was driving to Home Depot the other day when I came up behind a very slow moving white pickup, going at least 15-20 mph below the speed limit on a straight and empty rural road.

I passed them legally, not even exceeding the speed limit and continued on my way to the store, maybe 2 miles from this point.

When I get to Home Depot, I wait for a good parking spot when the white pickup drives by me and the elderly driver yells "Damn hotrodder!" at me.

I'm 53. I passed him legally, never exceeding the speed limit on my way to Home Depot.

Poker and Pizza at my place tonight. I always order a variety of pizza for the crew, and usually a "Hawiian" pizza is included. Which is loved by some, despised by others.

Personally, I like it. Bacon, green peppers, and pineapple.
To plagiarize Campbells - Mmm, Mmm good!

The most divisive subjects are always politics, religion, and pineapple on pizza.

Or should I say - being a cats servant?

Met my son's new girlfriend yesterday, went well - she passed the "dog test", (Gracie liked her), she is a dog lover. The cats (we have 2) also warmed up to her (very unusual for Lorelei, she is very standoffish with strangers).

She has never had cats; she mentioned she was a little scared of being scratched or bitten.

I told how they were great pets.

Yes, they can bite while playing, but they don't "mean it".
Sometimes you get scratched if you aren't careful, but if you do, it's usually your fault not the cats.
You have to be careful, as you can't assume they are "in the mood" if you want to pet them - they show affection when they want to.

I just realized having a cat is like being in an abusive relationship and defending the abuser.

But he loves me, he can't help it if he hurts me. It's all my fault, I shouldn't have made him mad.

I've been at my current job for a year now. It's been slow going, building a department from the ground up. I'm coming from a place that did a VERY strong business and I'm slowly building the same model here. (I know, extremely vague) In short, I'm hoping to be at 10% of my previous company's numbers in the next year.

Anyhow - due to a lot of factors out of my control, (Covid, supply shortages, etc.) I expected to be much further along than I currently am. I've been working diligently, have made some really good progress, but the income is not there yet. I know this will work,(not my 1st rodeo) but it's taking longer than I expected. I've been spending company's money to build the infrastructure needed - but I'm still 9-12 months away from profit. Then out for a few weeks due to unexpected surgery. This stresses me out. A lot. (I'm a bit of a workaholic/perfectionist)

Anyhow - out of the blue our COO stopped by my office just to tell me he's very happy with the progress, and is very happy I joined the company. Has lots of faith in me and my ideas and knows we will get there.

I literally haven't slept in a few days because of how stressed I've been, and he took the time to just tell me 'everything's cool'.
I don't think he knows how much that meant......I can't even express how much I needed to hear that.

TLDR: Got an unexpected pat-on-the-back I didn't know how bad I needed it until I got it

Great article on Hagerty on how to steal this guy's Porsche 914

Dear Thief,

Welcome to my Porsche 914. I imagine that at this point (having found the door unlocked) your intention is to steal my car. Don’t be encouraged by this; the tumblers sheared off in 1978. I would have locked it up if I could, so don’t think you’re too clever or that I’m too lazy. However, now that you’re in the car, there are a few things you’re going to need to know. First, the battery is disconnected, so slide-hammering my ignition switch is not your first step. I leave the battery disconnected, not to foil hoodlums such as yourself, but because there is a mysterious current drain from the 40-year-old German wiring harness that I can’t locate and/or fix. So, connect the battery first. Good luck finding the engine cover release. Or the engine, for that matter.

Now, you can skip your slide hammer. The ignition switch’s tumblers are so worn that any flat-bladed screwdriver or pair of scissors will do. Don’t tell anyone.

Once you’ve figured that out and try to start the car, you’ll run into some trouble. The car is most likely in reverse gear, given that the parking brake cable froze up sometime during the Carter administration. Since there is not a clutch safety switch on the starting circuit, make sure to press the clutch down before you try to crank the engine. (I don’t want you running into my other car in the driveway.) This is doubly necessary because my starter is too weak to crank the clutch-transmission input shaft assembly with any success.

With the clutch pedal depressed, the engine should turn over fast enough to get things going. But first, you’ll need to press the gas pedal to the floor exactly four times. Not three. Not five. Four. The dual Webers don’t have chokes and you’ll be squirting fuel down the barrels with the accelerator pumps for the necessary priming regime. If you don’t do it right, the car won’t start before the battery gives up the ghost. Consider yourself forewarned.

Porsche 914 front three-quarter
Norman Garrett
If you’ve followed along so far, the engine should fire right up. Don’t be fooled—it will die in eight seconds when the priming fuel runs out. Repeat the gas pedal priming procedure, but only pump two times. Deviate from this routine at your own peril.

Now you have the engine running. Make sure the green oil light in the dash goes out. If it does not, you only have about 100 yards to drive before the engine locks up, so be attentive. If all goes well with the oil pressure, you may now attend to the gear shift lever. Some explanation follows.

This is a Porsche 914. It has a mid-engine layout. The transmission is in the far back of the car, and the shift linkage’s main component is a football-field-long steel rod formed loosely in the shape of your lower intestine. Manipulating the gear shift lever will deliver vague suggestions to this rod, which, in turn, will tickle small parts deep within the dark bowels of the transaxle case. It is akin to hitting a bag of gears with a stick, hopefully finding one that works.

Porsche 914 drivetrain
I’ll make sure the drivetrain is in the car, by the way. Norman Garrett
If you are successful in finding first gear (there is a shift pattern printed on the knob; they say German engineers don’t have a sense of humor), congratulations. You may launch the vehicle into motion.

Do not become emboldened by your progress, as you will quickly need to shift to another gear. Ouija boards are more communicative than the shift knob you will be trusting to aid your efforts. Depress the clutch as you would in any car, and pull the knob from its secure location out of first gear. Now you will become adrift in the zone known to early Porsche owners as “Neverland” and your quest will be to find second gear. Prepare yourself for a ten-second-or-so adventure. Do not go straight forward with the shift knob, as you will only find Reverse waiting there to mock you with a shriek of high-speed gear teeth machining themselves into round cylinders. Should you hear this noise, retreat immediately to the only easy spot to find in this transmission: neutral. This is a safe place, no real damage can occur here, but alas, no forward motion will happen either. From this harbor of peace, you can re-attempt to find second, but you may just want to go for any “port in a storm”, given that the traffic behind you is now cheering you on in your quest with vigorous horn-honks of support and encouragement. Most 914 owners at this point pull over to the side of the road and feign answering a cell phone call to a) avoid further humiliation; b) allow traffic to pass; and c) gather the courage for another first gear start. You may choose to do likewise.

Porsche 914 front three-quarter
Norman Garrett
If you press onward without taking a break, you may re-enter first. This is how the car mocks you for your lack of skill, but sometimes it is the only path forward. Once you are ready to again try for second, I can offer some advice. One trick that works is to declutch the transmission, pull the lever from the first-gear position, enter into the aforementioned neutral zone, and then rapidly wig-wag the shift knob side-to-side along a lateral axis. If you move the knob quickly enough, the transmission will be out-smarted and cannot anticipate your next move. It is at this time that you should re-attempt to enter second, and most likely you will do so. Surprise is your best weapon against this transmission.

The move to third should be straightforward, as it’s the only easily-accessible gear in the set. You should now be out of my neighborhood and on the main four-lane road. Third gear will be good for 45 mph, so I would advise you just staying there. Trying to get to fourth gear will only frustrate you and your nearby drivers (see: first-to-second shift).

You don’t need to check for gasoline in the car. It will be full, even though the fuel gauge reads zero. The odometer reads “0”, not because it was reset when I filled the tank, but because it is just broken. Ignore it. If it is night, and it most likely will be, you will need to turn on the lights. I’ll leave it to you to find the switch since I’ve helped a lot so far. Suffice to say that once you get them active, you will find that the seven inch sealed beams from 1971 will only illuminate sufficient roadway for travel below 45 mph. Since you are still in third , this shouldn’t be a problem. Oh, and the lights only work on high beam, so ignore the flashing lights and vulgar gestures from opposing traffic.

Porsche 914 front three-quarter
Norman Garrett
By now you’ve certainly noticed the smell. That is the aroma of Mobil 1 oil being boiled off of long sections of horizontal exhaust pipes, which were cleverly encased by the factory with a second shroud of oil-holding chambers. They filled with oil during my last drive and you are now operating a small thermal refinery that is making light short-chained vaporous hydrocarbons from what was once $8-a-quart oil. They are being conveniently routed to the cabin through carefully formed channels in the heating system, plus the rust holes in the floor provided by Mother Nature herself over the past few decades.

You’ll feel less dizzy if you open a window. But mind that driver’s window does not work, so you’ll have to lean over and roll down the passenger window half-way. I say half-way in a manner that will become apparent once you try to get the window to go all the way down, which it will refuse to do. Instead, simply open the driver’s door slightly and drive along, as I do. Once the oil vapors are exhumed from the cabin, you should start to feel a little better. There is a rag behind the driver’s seat that you can use to wipe the oil film off of the inside of the windshield.

Knowing which road you’re probably on by now, you will be hitting stop lights. Try as hard as you can to not bring the 914 to a stop. The brake system is ideal for this situation, being known more as “scrubbers” than “brakes”. Since you can’t effectively stop the car, use this to your advantage and don’t try. Remember: You certainly don’t want to have to go back into first.

If you have made it within sight of to the highway entrance, don’t get any ideas. The front right wheel is severely bent and the vibration at velocities above 50 mph will crack the windshield and cause the doors to open by themselves. So stay on the surface streets, stoplights notwithstanding.

It may be at this point that you consider abandoning the car to avoid further calamity. There is an Exxon station right before the freeway entrance. The last guy who stole my 914 used this very spot and it was rather convenient for all concerned parties. I suggest you ditch the car there and scope out a nice, reliable Camry to heist.

I finally got my gameroom completed. Added some arcade units. My 80's dream come true

Here is a pic of the other side. The bar

@ibRAD said in Some cars can pull off rear window louvers......:

@facw Kmart sucks.

@facw said in Some cars can pull off rear window louvers......:

@trivet Wait... K-Mart still exists?

For when Walmart is too fancy for you.

In any event, louvers are cool, even on a Fusion

Agree to disagree.

And some cannot.

I believe this one cannot. (Found on FB Marketplace)

Though it does fit the neon purple underglow and blacked out windows "aesthetic"

First song that popped into my head

@MidEngine said in Shopping sites, an open question:

@trivet sounds great, unless the closest UPS store is 20 miles from you. They used to pick up returns free, now they expect me to take an hour or more out my day.

True, the convenience will vary depending on location. I'm fortunate to have a location 10 minutes away.

@FourMalibus said in Finally!:

I checked out the ice today and it technically held me about 10ft out from shore

Seems like there's more to the story here....

@Vondon302

Custom Detroit Eats?

Edit: Looked it up - didn't know it was a Bar & Grill.

Have to check it out next time I'm in Detroit

@Sam-Blockhan said in DOTS: 1984 Pontiac 2000 Sunbird:

@ibRAD said in DOTS: 1984 Pontiac 2000 Sunbird:

dohcabs

?

I think they meant DOHC (Dual Overhead Cams)

Also - this is VERY close to my 1982 J2000 badged car.

Damn I miss that one.......

@ItalianJobR53 said in Shopping sites, an open question:

@Just-Jeepin There is cheap stuff on Amazon that sometimes doesn't work at all, but their returns policy for me has been excellent. No questions asked on pretty much everything.
I do buy a bunch of Amazon prime things...

Same. I'll order of of Amazon because I know the return policy is easy and free.

Item isn't what I expected?
Didn't like it?
Doesn't work (either defective or wrong application)?
I drunk ordered something I shouldn't have?

Click "return" and drop off at the local UPS Store. Done.
Don't even need to repackage it.

Hard to beat that.

@HFV_Junkyardin said in Want of the Day:

I walked out of the jim today