Ambitious title, eh? We'll lets have a go of it...

Though the Jag's time with me is not over, it is certainly finite. However, unlike any other time in the past, I'm not quite sure what I want to buy next. This is due, in part, to switching to a work-from-home job followed by there being a massive global pandemic. This means I went from driving a car daily to driving a car, on average, once a week. What is the net effect? I'm not getting tired of my cars as quickly as I otherwise would. Additionally, they're all showing some strain from continuous lack of use. The Volvo lost an O2 sensor, the Jag (probably) lost an injector, and the Landy is just being weird.

So... all that being said, my usual pace of a new project car per year seems to be out the window as I haven't felt motivated to move on. Additionally the crushing weight of essentially constantly being in low-grade crisis mode, where running a simple errand is a risk/reward calculation, has made me pretty unmotivated to work on... anything... but also cars.

Anyway, I say all that to say: Me wondering what next is actually healthy, even if I can't quite figure out what it should be. But I figure in order to determine that, we have to look at the past...

This post took forever to write and I didn't feel like proofreading it so... please excuse typos

Past and Present Project Cars

From first to last, I've owned a few... ("Daily Driver" cars are not included in this list. That includes the C30 and my two former Hondas.)

1970 International Harvester Scout 800A (2011-2013)

Reason for buying

I wanted a truck/SUV project car so my dog could puke in that instead of my nice car. I purchased the Scout for the simple reason that it was in-budget, good looking, and something I'd never heard of before.

Owning it

Was a pain. Parts were unobtanium, I had no idea what I was doing, and I lived in an apartment. When it did drive, it was slow, ponderous, unreliable, and wouldn't turn left. I think I'm right in saying I've only ever completed one trip in the Scout without breaking down. In short: Fuck that car.

Why did I sell it?

Aside from everything I just said? The previous owner thought he still owned it and would occasionally try to steal it and/or call the cops on himself. It is a long story and one best never told, but the dude was a dangerous, drugged-out psychopath. After he showed up to my mechanic and called the cops to say I'd stole it (again), I called someone who'd made a low-ball offer on it a few months back told them I'd sell. Two weeks later it was far, far away from here and out of my life for good.

1967 Volkswagen Dune Buggy (2014-2016)

Reason for buying

After the fiasco that was the Scout, I wasn't sure I would ever buy another project car. However, I eventually got the bug again and decided I wanted something cheap, fun, weird, impractical, and easy to work on. I entertained the idea of a UTV or city car, but settled on the a dune buggy because they are all of those things and street legal.

Owning it

Was a mixed bag. Everyone who rode in it or saw it loved it. It was a laugh and I was constantly being honked at, waved at, or thumbs upped (is that a word?). The downside? Aside from everything I just said? Well it was a pain in the dick to work on and drive. The fiberglass body made access to certain things difficult or impossible and the PO's wiring was... not good. Even after doing extensive work to the engine, suspension, and steering, the thing still wandered dangerously at any speed, was criminally slow on the highway, and couldn't stop for shit.

Why did I sell it?

The primary reason for selling was I hated owning and driving it. The secondary reason for selling was that we did our first Cheap Car Challenge Road Trip and I ended up shipping the Alfa home and SUPER didn't need two convertible/topless cars. So the buggy went.

1999 GMC Yukon (2014-2017)

Reason for buying

Same reasons as the Scout, except this time instead of going for something I'd never heard of, I went for a car I'd always had a soft spot for these as I learned to drive on one.

Owning it

The Yukon was the only car I've never named: Bessie the Dozy Cow. She actually started out as "The Dozy Cow" after James May shouting that at someone during some challenge or another. The "Bessie" part was added later for reasons I don't fully remember. Either way, she was great to own, great to drive, and great to work on. My only complaint is while I enjoy the look of a GMT400 Yukon, I am/was one of the few and there was a lot of subtle bias about showing up in, lets face it, a beater, even if it was a beater by choice. Classism aside, I also never got more than about 13 MPG in that beast and that hurt.

Why did I sell it?

Well... we went on our second (yes yes, I'll get to the Alfa from the first trip soon) cheap car challenge and I brought that car home too. Owning two large SUVs didn't make a lot of sense, so I opted to keep the Disco and sell the Yukon. Jury is still out on if that was the correct choice. I'd be lying if I said I don't still stare longingly at every even moderately clean GMT400 Yukon/Tahoe I see.

Is it bad I had to look at my car spreadsheet to figure out chronology here?

1987 Alfa Romeo Spider (2015)

Reason for buying

It was a manual convertible that was in-budget for our first cheap car challenge. Also Top Gear always said to be a true petrolhead you'd have to own an Alfa so... Here we are.

Owning it

Pretty much heaven, to be honest. It is scrappy and rough around the edges, but damn reliable and fun to drive. Also it got me in with the local Alfa club who are honestly the most helpful, friendly, and generous bunch I've ever had the pleasure of associating with. They're like the Saab club but with jobs and without all the substance abuse. (I JOKE! SAAB PEOPLE ARE LOVELY!)

Why have I kept it?

The primary reason is the 2015 cheap car challenge was a shockingly life changing event and the Alfa has a lot of residual good vibes from that. Paired with the reality the other two still own their 2015 cars, selling the Alfa would feel like selling off a part of myself and [insert generic prostitution joke here]. Additionally, the Alfa club people are awesome and I enjoy owning the car. Driving the Alfa you feel like you outclass everything on the road and frequently get nods from people driving cars worth 10x more. It is a good car.

1984 Saab 900 Turbo (2016)

A car very similar to the one I learned to drive on towing my first car. Poetic, in a way... I guess?

Reason for "buying"

Those familiar with the Saab (#Project Dumpster Fire) know it was my first car when I was 16. Not one like it, this exact car. So I didn't "buy" it so much as pay my old mechanic a king's ransom to get it back. The reason for abandonment was I got a new car, my parents kept the Saab, the Saab's starter went out, my dad took it to the mechanic and... never picked it back up. Twelve or thirteen years later (who remembers?) I was, apparently, into cars now and noted that a lot of "car people" chase after their first cars, often spending more than is strictly reasonable to buy facsimiles of them. Given my actual first car was still in reach, I figured now was as good of a time as any and took the plunge.

Owning it

Is hell. The Saab is rivaled perhaps only be the Scout as a car that wants to remain dead. It doesn't want to live. It wishes I'd left it in that field to rot and resents every moment I keep it from returning to the earth. But, that said, I knew getting it going was going to be a challenge and boy has it been. On the flip side it has been a phenomenal learning tool and simultaneously increased and decreased my confidence by a great deal.

Why have I kept it?

After spending a huge quantity of time and money getting it back, I don't see it leaving my garage unless it is involved in a catastrophic accident. I was going to say "or if it is stolen" but I'd say whoever steals it would bring it back quickly. On the bright side, Saabs are kind of cool now.

2001 Land Rover Discovery II (2017)

Reason for buying

It was a 4WD vehicle in my price range for our second cheap car challenge. Funny enough I'd looked for a Land Rover to buy and there were none. I happened upon this one while looking at a "4WD" Rodeo that wasn't. The dealer also had this on the lot, so I bought it.

Owning it

Has been pretty great, to be honest. I love the way it looks, drives, handles, and offroads. It is surprisingly easy to work on, which is good because oh dang does it need it. Often. I've taken it on many an adventure and it has always gotten me there and back with little worry. I know my luck will run out some time, but so far so good.

Why have I kept it?

For all of the reasons above plus I literally cannot think of another vehicle I'd rather offroad in. It is an amazing mix of luxury, badge, and capability that is hard to beat. The only other vehicle I've really looked at as a potential upgrade is a G-Wagen and I certainly do not have G-Wagen money.

1986 Honda Civic Wagon 4WD (2018-2019)

Reason for buying

After doing a somewhat grueling three day offroad trip to New Mexico (for which I opted instead to drive the Volvo) I saw the need for a small off/softroader that was good on the highway. While I love the Landy, its highway performance* is meh and 16 MPG with premium gas is... a lot of money. So the idea of getting something small, capable, easy on gas, and good on the highway was born. The Wagonvan wasn't any of those things, but it was really cool.

*People take offense to this characterization so I'd like to clarify my problem with the Landy is a lack of passing power at 70+ MPH. It holds the road fine, but if I need to accelerate quickly for any reason, the power just isn't there at those speeds. I demand a lot of my vehicles and the Landy doesn't get a pass just because it is great in most other areas.

Owning it

Was frustrating and amazing. Parts availability was a mixed bag and I spent a lot of time chasing down problems created by the previous owner, but the car was remarkably well put together. Disassembly of everything I had to lay hands on was straightforward, easy, and access was good. I miss that about it. Unfortunately the Wagovan was let down by an anemic 1.5L 4-cylinder carbureted engine. Even with a Weber swap it really struggled to get out of its own way and was frequently a liability on the highway. Also for an 80s Honda the gas mileage was meh, being about the same as the Alfa and not nearly as fun to drive.

Why did I sell it?

The engine. That woefully slow engine just robbed me of any fun in driving it. That and I lost my job and one fewer car in the stable seemed like a prudent cost savings. This is the only vehicle I actually regret selling.

1998 Volvo V70 XC (2019-2019)

Reason for buying

For our third cheap car challenge, I needed something that could take on Canada and Alaska while carrying all of my shit. After looking at a Audi with wooden brakes and bum AC and a Jag that wouldn't start, I went to look at a Volvo wagon at an estate sale. Right color, right spec, right price, and working AC meant two hours later it was mine.

Owning it

I loved it. Spacious, comfortable, good to drive, I had no complaints about the Volvo.... right up until the PCV valve failed and a cloud of smoke and oil followed my from northern Washington to the tip of Alaska. Ahh well. I still loved it, but was happy to see it go.

Why did I sell it?

The trip was over and mailing a car back from Alaska was a ruinously expensive proposition. Additionally, while I loved the car, the T5 mated to an automatic transmission was a tired combo that didn't have quite the pep I'd wanted. The lovely couple that bought it were ecstatic to pay $500 more than I bought it for, failed PCV and all, and I hope it treats them well.

Are we almost done yet? My fingers are sore...

2004 Jaguar S-Type R (2019)

Reason for buying

It was a 400HP supercharged V8 Jag in British Racing Green for less than $5000. Did I even have a choice? The S-Type R came to my attention when I was buying the Volvo V70 XC (I tried to test drive one and it wouldn't start), so when I got a new job I decided to treat myself to this cheap bit of fun.

Owning it

Has been... damaging. I've done a lot and learned a lot, but this car always has a weird noise, a weird smell, a fuse that blows for no reason, etc. It... has humbled me. I figured owning an Alfa, Land Rover, Saab, and Volvo had prepared me for everything and I was very, very mistaken. That said, the Jag is a joy to look at and drive, so I can forgive a lot of its little problems... for now.

Why did you keep/sell it?

I'm not... sort of. I want to "finish" it. I want to fix its remaining problems and then get it the hell out of my garage. Its problems are numerous and it is consuming cycles I need to spend on my other cars.

Ok so what did we learn?

I'm not sure. I thought typing out all of my past and present cars would lead me to some conclusion, but it hasn't. Seems like I bought most of them because they were weird, nostalgic, on "the list", or the right car at the right time.

Here is a bonus list of every car I've owned so far:

What is next?

Well... I don't know. That is why we're here... right?

I do have some thoughts so lets get stuck in...

Wagovan 2.0

The project that is living rent free in my head the most at the moment is the idea of buying another Wagovan and doing an engine swap. When I owned the first one I sort of had a feeling that'd make the car something I'd love, but was unwilling and unable to execute the swap. A year and a half later and I feel a lot more inclined to go for it. The problem is 3rd gen Civics are thin on the ground and 4WD wagons are exceptionally rare. I've considered looking up the new owners (if they still even own it) and letting them know I'd be interested in buying it back when they're done, but I can't quite bring myself to open that can-o-worms. Also I'm unsure about bringing a car back into my life after that long. :pointedly ignores the Saab:

(Yes I just checked and yes I still have the phone number of the guy I sold it to. Google Voice has a long memory...)

Kei Car

Owning a kei car has been on the list for a long time. I could certainly be convinced to fly out to Duncan Imports with a pocket full of cash, make a bad financial decision, and then try to figure out how to drive home in a non-highway capable car. The downside of this is these fuckers are expensive. Like... I'm all about awesome little JDM goodness, but $25k for awesome JDM goodness is a hard pass. That said, the Duncan site is showing 83 vehicles under $10k, which includes some Paos, kei trucks, a Suzuki Nomad, and some cute vans, though an upsetting number of the newer vehicles are autotragic. Still... Possibilities there....

I could also import something myself, but that seems like a lot of stress and waiting, neither of which I'm really in to.

Truck

I want a truck at some point, but don't really need one. The problem with trucks is they hold their value and I am a cheap bastard. If I were to buy one, ideally I'd want a manual, 4WD, extended cab of some ilk. An F150 or GMT400 based truck would be great, but we're talking real unicorn territory there.

But, as stated, I don't need a truck. The thought was I'd buy one when I bought land, but I never bought land and have given up that quest entirely.

Heh.

Camper Build

Unlikely as this is my pitch for the next cheap car challenge, but I really do want to build out a hashtagvanlife at some point. That said, such a project is either going to languish on the market forever waiting for the right buyer, or get sold for a significant loss.

Opportunistic Flip

By far the mostly likely, least satisfying option, it seems likely my next project will just be something that falls in my lap. Estate sale, friend selling for a friend, fellow Oppo thinning the herd, or random CL find... seems likely that I'll end up with a mechanics special, fix it, and sell it on (or keep it, whatever). The only real issue with this is builds with budgets stress me out. When you have to justify use of the parts cannon, it makes firing the parts cannon that much less fun.

Conclusions?

Not sure I have any. Working on cars is, by far, the hobby I've kept the longest. I didn't expect it to stick around as long as it has and I sincerely hope it continues to. With the pandemic (hopefully) on the downswing, though with the aftershocks rippling through literally every industry, I hope I can get stuck into it again soon and enjoy a new project soon.

Soon.

Driving down the highway in a convoy the other day, I realized that my traveling companions were much, much younger. Like... at some point this is going to be an issue... right? But more importantly I also would like to hang with others that have some shared experiences too.

Let me enumerate the problem.

Here I am at almost exactly 20 years old. The next oldest in my group is 6. Then there is the 5 year old, and a fucking 2 month old.

Like... there is a bit of a gap.

For once I'd like to go on a trip with someone who is also concerned that idling for an extended period of time might cause the engine to overheat, or someone else who has weird inop bits that are too difficult or expensive to fix. It'd be nice to have someone to shoot the shit about "oh man when we passed that construction, I would have sworn the smell was my serpentine belt rubbing on something!" but alas...

But no. For the moment I get to be the old fart. Maybe someday I'll get to hang with others my age, but for the time being at least I'm keeping up.

(This clumsy bit of prose brought to you by a slow day on Oppo.)

Yesterday I was attempting to clean the garage last night as the president of the local Alfa Club is coming over to look at my car and I figured if he saw the squalor it usually lives in he'd take it to a shelter or something. Anyway, walking through the house I notice it is gross downstairs. 78 and humid. 78 is a normal setpoint for us, but I'm an adult so I crank it down to 75. Come back a while later and notice I'm only getting tepid air.

Terrific.

Ok so I go over to the unit and it is, in fact, not running. This is somewhat good news as that likely means it hasn't frozen or exploded or whatever. I pull off the side and check the contactor I installed a couple months ago. Working. Cool.

Crap that was like... my only thing.

I guess I should check supply voltage?

My house is a little over 100 years old, so the electrical is a little... eclectic, lets say. The main 200A panel is new, but it has 2 sub-panels, each of which also have sub-panels for no discernable reason other than history and tradition. Anyway, the AC is run off of some fuses next to it, so I didn't think that little tidbit of information would be relevant. Hint: it is.

Pull the fuses and check them. 0.2 Ohms. Good stuff.

Tentatively stick my meter into the (literal) fuse box to check the hot side has power. I am a fairly confident around industrial power systems, but for some reason home wiring always surprises me. And by "surprises" I mean "blows up unexpectedly". Anyway, after some careful prodding I get no voltage. After some less careful prodding, I still get no voltage.

Maybe I'm sticking it in the wrong end? (Heyo)

I check what I would call the load side and still get no love.

Curious.

I go in search of my voltage probe (thing that beeps when there is live AC) and find it out of batteries. Put a new battery in and find that it beeps constantly. Look inside and it has a lot of corrosion. Neato. INTO THE GARBAGE WITH YOU THEN.

Ok. Well I guess I need to find where that fuse box get fed from. Luckily it is fed with conduit, so I follow it into one of the hateful sub-boxes an find an unmarked 50A 2-pole breaker. Seems sus, but looks closed. I pull the panel cover and confirm that yes, that is what is feeding the fuses. I turn it off and back on again and SUCCESS! AC kicks on! All is well! I fixed the problem! Nevermind why it tripped that is in the past!

I button everything up, pat myself on the back, and go back to working in the garage. (I think we all know where this is going.) About a half-hour later I go inside and... AC isn't running.

Cock.

Remembering that I bought a clamp-meter this year, I fish that out, re-remove the panel cover, reset the breaker, and put a clamp on one of the phases.

13.9A

Seems... reasonable? Certainly well under 40A and 50A. I leave it run for a while and it holds steady.

Other phase was similar. Crap. So.... bad breaker? Is that even a thing!?

Oh wait! I have a thermal camera in my phone!

Uhh.

Ok yeah. This is my first "breaker thermal photo" but one of those seems A LOT hotter than the others. Certainly couldn't hurt (much) to replace. What even type of breaker is this? It doesn't look normal and I seem to recall that last time I looked it... isn't.

TINY little sticker on the breakers say Z-something. Maybe google will help.

Zinsco. Huh. The first hit is a wikipedia article. That seems... bad.

The copper shortage of the 1960s was primarily caused by the US government, which had huge contracts out, many of which were for air-conditioning, requiring over a million new copper coils. This action depressed the market of available copper for other manufacturing needs and promoted the first real demand for aluminum NM cable. When Zinsco changed to an aluminum bus, the aluminum selected was Alloy 6061

Oh dear. I think I know where this is going...

Currently, Zinsco electrical equipment is considered obsolete due to a design flaw in which the circuit breaker's connection to the bus bar becomes loose, causing arcing and subsequent overheating. Long-term exposure to this heat can cause the breaker to fuse to the bus bar, making it impossible to remove. Even worse, it can cause the breaker's contacts to fuse together, thus preventing the breaker from tripping even in an overcurrent situation, thereby causing a potential fire hazard.

Terrific.

Well... while I WILL (eventually) replace these panels, today is not that day. A quick trip to Home Depot says I'm SOL, so my good friend Amazon has three breakers on the way. (One for each AC unit plus the garage apartment, which are the three large loads on those panels.)

So TIL I have a little bit of history (that I never wanted) in my house and yet another thing to worry about. On the bright side, new breakers (or new breaker boxes even) are way cheaper than a new AC unit!

A very slow race, mind you, which seems appropriate.

When we last left the Alfa, it was two and a half weeks ago and I wasn't quite sure what to do next. The running problems had been tracked down to a bad connector, and it was otherwise in good shape. In hindsight I have some suggestions for my past self, but that is just foreshadowing.

So... what did I do?

Well for starters, it should be said the theme of this post, nay perhaps this whole project, is:

Hindsight is bullshit

That out of the way...

I decided to go ahead and see if I could get the wipers working acceptably. They've always "worked" but they were slow and made the instrument cluster freak out when I turned them on. I've worked on them a bit in the past and never really made much progress. I finally decided with rain looming in the forecast I should just go ahead and replace the wiper motor. It was neither cheap nor easy to get to, but it needed to be done.

Well... it didn't... but here is the thing about hindsight...

Anyway, to get at the wiper motor you have to remove the scuttle, the bit of metal and plastic that sits between the hood and windshield on this vehicle. It is held in by 4 screws, a piece of trim, and a bunch of fussy little bastard clips. That off, removing the motor was simply a matter of unscrewing three screws without stripping them.

Uh huh.

You know that feeling when your really torqueing on a screw and it goes all squishy as the screwdriver slips? Yeah... it is kind of the worst. Anyway, after nearly runining one of the three mounting screws I had the genius idea to soak them in penetrating fluid, after which I managed to get all three out, though the stripped(ish) one came down to a press-and-pray with the impact.

That out, I found "an problem": the connector was corroded! Seems like that might be playing a part in the problems, but remember what we said about hindsight?

Well OK then. I threw in the new motor, cleaned the connector, and gave her a spin. (Literally)

The new motor sounded horrible. Like... legos in a garbage disposal.

I called my local Alfa expert and he thought it sounded like it didn't have any grease. It should be packed full of it and it sounded like it wasn't.

He was indeed correct.

After packing it with marine grease, I reinstalled it and RESULT! The motor sounded "normal". Ok cool.

Next up was to figure out why it was sitting in a pool of water.

Taking the motor out, again, revealed the old caulking on the chrome trim had degraded and clogged the drain. After stupidly trying to clear it with compressed air, which only resulted in a face full of gross water, a piece of bailing wire saw it unclogged and ready to go!

Motor back in, again, I set about the arduous task of reattaching the scuttle. It is essentially a job for someone with six arms and at least as many eyes, but eventually I got the scuttle wedged in the proper location and screwed back down.

Mission accomplished.

Except the wipers were still slow. Not as slow, or that is what I'm telling myself anyway, but certainly not... fast.

Ok... so that sort of means it has to be electrical... but Italians are almost as famous as the British for engineering and implementing straightforward and reliable electrical systems... I guess I got a lemon.

Setting aside the cultural differences, between the fussy voltmeter and slow wipers, I figured there had to be a common weak point there. And there was! The ignition switch!

Oh good.

Luckily the Alfa is a bit odd in that the driver's side knee bolster is flip down, revealing the hidden fuse box, which meant to get at the ignition switch all I needed to do is remove the lower steering column housing which, refreshingly, was held in by four screws. With that off I traced the wiring out to... right next to the steering column... which means I didn't actually need to remove anything. Remember what we thing about hindsight in this post?

Anyway, I'll spare you the details, but the highlights are: (1) The Alfa is very easy to hot wire, (2) the ignition switch has an acceptable voltage drop, though I'd like to see less, and (3) the Alfa's electrical system is shockingly well made. Seriously! The fuse box is connected using modular connectors, the (fan made) wiring diagrams are scary accurate, and everything is color coded and numbered. Ok everything was super dirty and that will probably need to be addressed at some point, but really the wiring in this car is way less scary than I'd initially suspected.

After poking, prodding, cleaning, re-terminating, and exploring the system I discovered that basically every component in the system dropped the voltage a little bit. There was no smoking gun and no single loose connection, just a lot of hops for the voltage to get from the battery/alternator and every one of them took a little power away. In fact... lets trace it! Battery, starter, engine bay distribution block, primary fuse box, ignition switch connector, ignition switch, ignition switch connector (again), fuse box (again), fuse, fuse box connector, steering column wiring connector, wiper switch connector, wiper switch, wiper switch connector (yes, again), intermittent relay (optional), and finally the wiper motor connector.

For those of you whose eyes glazed over for that one (all of you, I know) that was roughly sixteen connectors that full current signal needs to hop through before it can reach the wiper motors. If each of those is stealing 0.1V then yeah... problems.

I don't really have a satisfying conclusion here. I cleaned, tightened, and lubricated what I could and in the end I had operation I would describe as "acceptable". Not bad, but not great either.

Fine then.

Test drive!

Oh dear.

While the wipers held up their part of the bargain, just, the defrost was not and while I enjoy the feeling of cool, refreshing rain water as much as the next guy, the constant stream of it on my foot was a bit distracting. A quick poke around (and yet another call to the Alfa guru) revealed a bused scuttle drain hose. I snipped off the end, terminated it, and no more leaks!

Alright... what next?

Oh right... at some point in all of this I installed a radio and did some work on the insulation.

Brakes! Oil! Clutch?

While the brake fluid in the Alfa was only 14 months old, the track requires DOT4 no older than 6 months. While I'm relatively sure I am the only member that observes this requirement, I bummed the lift at my local Volvo indie (Svenskraft) and set to work.

The brake bleed went fine, so I figured while I had access to a lift I might as well do the oil too. This took an alarming turn after I removed the (shockingly large) drain plug.

Hooboy.

Well... as the engine was running I decided to pretend I hadn't seen that, for now, and move on with the oil change, which was predictable and straightforward.

Alright. My first two tasks had gone down easy. Do I dare push my luck?

I do dare push my luck?

A while back it was noted my clutch slave cylinder, while showing no signs of failure, was looking very sorry for itself, as was the associated clutch hose. As my clutch fluid was disgusting, I figured I'd kill three birds with one stone and replace the fluid, slave, and flex hose all in one go on this convenient lift.

You know how you know it did not go well? I didn't take any pictures.

The rundown is while the slave was very easy to remove, only being held in by two clips, shockingly, it was not so easy to install and bleed. For one, I was in a shop that was not my own, so finding the correct tools was a chore. Another, being that it is held in with just two clips, it was surprisingly difficult to figure out in what way to insert and assemble it.

After a lot of fussing, swearing, crying, installing, removing, reinstalling, and otherwise carrying on, I got the damn thing in and bled it with my power bleeder.

Alright.... moment of truth. I hit the clutch and....

Straight to the floor. Crap!

I recall a friend saying he had this problem before and actually never got his clutch to bleed properly.

Double crap!

Then, thankfully, the spirt of Tom Magliozzi visited me. I recalled that a puzzler (maybe?) one week on Car Talk was about a guy would couldn't get his brakes to bleed no mater what he did. Turns out he'd installed them upside down, with the bleeders on the bottom on the caliper. Since the air in the system rises, it doesn't really matter how much pressure is on the system, you'll never purge all the air. Since the clutch slave cylinder was held in with clips, it can theoretically sit in any orientation, or in this case with the bleeder off to one side.

Ok... so I need to flip the car on its side... but how...

Oh wait. I could also rotate the cylinder. This sounds easier than it actually was, but after getting a wrench on one end, forcing the bleeder to be on top, and breaking it loose I was treated to a HUGE expulsion of air followed by a healthy stream of fluid. (Gross) Putting the car back on the ground I confirmed the clutch felt fantastic.

Job done!

So... where did that nut come from?

The one in the oil pan? Excellent question!

My first instinct was that is was an exhaust header nut. It looked like one, was the same size, and I'd replaced them all because the threads got messed up (long story) so I wouldn't miss one if it was gone. Sound theory and though I have very little idea how it ended up in the engine, I could think of several ways in which that could have happened. A trip to the thread gauge revealed that it didn't thread onto the fine or course M8 gauges, which supports the exhaust nut theory as well.

But, reviewing photos the exhaust header nuts and the camshaft bearing cap nuts are the same. Ok... since the engine was running great I'm disinclined to think it was from there, but that is certainly a logical path to getting into the oil pan...

Alright. Fine. The cam cover is going to have to come off. Again!

"Luckily" I'm well practiced at removing the valve/cam cover, and in less than an hour I had it off, inspected, back on, and leak checked. I am happy to say all the nuts were intact, as I'd suspected. Still, I would always have had a nagging doubt if I hadn't verified it.

And away we go!

All this faffing around brought me to yesterday, at which point I washed the car (in the rain, of course) and applied RainX as a "just in case" assistance for the wipers.

And then... it was track day.

And it was very wet, very slippy, very frustrating, very fun, and very much a story for another day.

Wet morning with a lot of freezing fog. We set off on some trails to mixed success. We got stopped by slick mud, an overfull river ford, and a couple locked gates. Also picked up a TON of new pinstripes, but that is part of it, so I'm told.

Tomorrow we head back to our respective homes and call the trip complete.

Hopefully I'll get to the write up this week after I get media from the other two.

This is it! The thing that I've written around twenty-six posts in the preparation of! The annual Alfa Romeo Owners Club of Oklahoma track day at Hallet Motor Racing Circuit. Twenty-five cars, mostly Alfas, having sole access to the track for about nine hours.

This was my third year attending and it has always been a blast. Last year, however, things got a little too literal and I managed to blow the head gasket on my Alfa before noon. Undeterred, I dove it the 45 minutes home, grabbed my Volvo C30, and rejoined track day after lunch. I also boiled the clutch on the Volvo, but that just means I on the edge of performance! Or I hadn't changed the clutch fluid.

Despite two mildly-broken cars in 2020, it was fun!

However as a result of the excess fun of 2020, for this year's track day I had to do a top end rebuild on my Alfa, a 1987 Alfa Romeo Spider Graduate I purchased in 2015 during our first cheap car challenge road trip.

The rebuild had its ups and downs... but mostly downs... and I sailed through the first track day date, which was cancelled due to rain, but eventually I got everything going and was ready to go.

(Though I didn't post about it, I was also prepping the Volvo in case the Alfa couldn't make it. The Volvo got a brake and clutch fluid flush and I've been hunting around for a new windshield too!)

Rain or Shine

While the first track day was postponed due to rain, we knew we couldn't get out of the new date, rain or shine.

And boy did it rain!

I woke up at 6AM so I could be sure to make it to the track a little after the 7AM gate opening and get a covered paddock, which are first come first serve. Luckily I'd staged everything the night before, so all I needed to do is get dressed, pack my cooler, and let the dogs do their thing. By 6:30AM I was on the road, cautiously optimistic the rain was going to hold off and we were going to have a dry track day.

That optimism lasted about 10 minutes, after which...

I survived.

Unfortunately the car did not. By the time I got to the exit+tollbooth for the track, the engine wouldn't idle.

Terrific.

I nursed it to the track and began troubleshooting, an activity I should be very good at by now!

Ultimately we decided... we didn't know what the hell was wrong with it.

Part of the problem seemed to be with the engine temperature sensor which I'd "fixed" but reattaching, but didn't replace the connector like a smart person would have. That, however, wasn't all of the problem. Thinking about it (now) the issue was likely water ingress into... something... likely the crank position sensor. Either way, lots of fussing with the engine got it to idle enough that it wouldn't die randomly and actually fell damn good driving around, so I "sent it" as the kids say.

This damn near my first time driving the Alfa in the rain and was certainly my first time taking any vehicle on the track in the rain.

I was nervous, but excited.

It did not go well

On the first turn of my first lap I spun off.

That.... sort of set the tone for the rest of the day.

I thought it would be fun, but mostly it was embarrassing, scary, and unhelpful. In my mind I wasn't going fast enough to have these problems and yet even on careful, controlled laps I'd get the back end out.

Some club members tried to help by coaching me on lines, technique, etc but any time I wasn't going painfully slow, I'd spin.

Luckily I wasn't the only one...

...with many of the other club members having a very slippery time out there.

Mercifully around 11:00AM the sky opened up and the track owners called an early lunch. Apparently while a little rain is alright, in a full on downpour like this the track tended to flood, which would not be fun for anyone.

After a long lunch, the rain mostly subsided and the track drained, so we resumed.

I did a ride along with my friend Brady in his uhhh... "Alfa Romeo" FRS*... and quickly realized that while my driver skill is basically none, the speeds at which he was going into the corners and not ending up in a ditch were substantially higher than what I was managing. I'll be the first to admit this is an apples and oranges comparison, but the cars are of similar size, weight, and weight distribution. What gives?

*Brady joined last year when we needed extra people due to many dropping out for pandemic reasons and was invited back. He was far from the only non-Alfa this year as many had opted to bring other cars due to the weather. We had a Jag, a GTI, A3 wagon, and a couple others I'm not thinking off and it was good fun.

Despite that demoralizing and somewhat nauseating set of laps in the FRS, I decided to go out on the next run, determined to keep it on the track.

This lasted until the last turn, at which I lost it while traveling in a straight line.

Not turning. Barely braking. Just... back end stepped out and I was off. Again.

For the last time.

Because I was over it.

I wasn't learning anything about car control or even the limits of my car because they'd strike well before my brain thought they should. Maybe if it was just me and the corner workers weren't getting increasingly irritated by my incompetence I would have stuck with it, but I pointed the car towards the pits, managed to make it without spinning off, and never looked back.

I was done

On the bright side, this opened me up to taking more photos! When I bought my new-to-me D750 earlier this year I vowed to bring it to track day and take some photos.

And so I did...

That... was a lot of fun. Overall I took 435 photos, of which I decided 53 were worth deleting and 141 were worth editing and exporting. Not a bad hit rate! I am really pleased with some of the panning shots, but really struggled with white balance on a day the seemed to have at least three seasons.

The only real downside of taking all these pictures is there are no heroic photos of my own car!

Racing driver excuses

While clearly I can't drive like a professional, I can certainly make excuses like one!

I think there were a number of problems the culminated in my having a bad time on the track. The first were the running issues that developed on the way to the track. At low RPM and/or low throttle, the engine was surging a bit, which was not ideal for smooth acceleration/deceleration. Additionally, a longstanding issue with throttle stiction popped up and of the many things I had brought with me, spray cleaner and/or lube, the usual fix, was not on the list. This also made smooth operation difficult. On the "good but bad" list was also that the either the engine refresh or the over-fueling seemed to have given the Alfa a significant power bump, at least according to the butt dyno, which usually would be great but today not so much.

All that said, in my opinion the biggest factor in my poor running was tires. The tires on my Alfa have date code 5014, which if I am reading right means they are just over 6.5 years old. The sidewalls and tread look great, with nary a trace of dry rot or cracking, but apparently after this long in the Oklahoma heat and a bitterly cold winter (no climate controlled garage for me!) was enough to make them hard. Looking up the rule of thumb for tires I came across this article about tires (and Paul Walker) on The Drive:

In general, five years from date of manufacture (stamped on the tire) is about as old as you ever want to go in a car you plan to drive quickly.

And goes on to talk about experiences on similarly old tires to mine.

So... feeling somewhat vindicated.

If still very embarrassed, ashamed, and angry.

Yes the track workers were talking about the black Spider who couldn't keep it on the track. Yes, I suspect my fellow Alfa club members were also talking about it. Yes even 24 hours later this still fills me with shame a dread that only whiskey will erase.

Look, I am in no way a great track driver, but I'm OK! Or at least I thought I was. This was... an unpleasant experience and one I would like to soon forget.

But overall...

Despite the poor running and poor driving, I still had a lot of fun! The Alfa club members are good people that I always enjoy getting a chance to hang with, with the added bonus of having a close friend around too. I also really enjoyed getting work on my car photography and am really pleased with some of the pictures to come out of this.

I came away with a small list of things to fix on the ordinarily affidabile Alfa, but no damage to anything other than my pride, and that is a good thing. I'm sure I'll be back on the horse next year and in the interim... I think I'll start shopping for tires.

I knew this was coming and I'm actually surprised I'm the first (that I've noticed) but HEY GUESS WHAT?

One year ago today I drove home from my last out of town work assignment in a very long time. My team was stationed in Branson, MO, to do... whatever it is that I do. While the work event itself was pretty OK, boring but fun for team building and I was super new at the time, there was this nagging threat of some virus that had, allegedly, just made landfall in the US.

I, like most people, assumed this would be like the swine flu and SARS before that: hyped as the end of the world but eventually will just peter out. (lol)

Over the course of the two weeks I was in Branson, the warnings became more dire that this was going to be "an thing." On the last day we were there we had a huge meeting with everyone involved in the work thing. The last thing we did was shake hands with all the senior leadership. This was my first time thinking "Should we be doing this? Is this ok?"

I took this picture right before I took off back for home.

When I got back, my partner filled me in that things were indeed serious and we should consider not leaving the house for a few weeks. (lol) He, however, had to go for orientation for a new job, flying to the west coast on Sunday, only to return early the following Tuesday after his new company closed all their offices and made everyone mandatory work from home.

The day after he got back, Wednesday, March 11th, we went out to eat at our favorite restaurant.

We have not eaten inside a restaurant or been to a bar since.

What a difference a day year makes.

I didn't expect to make a part 2 for today, but hey progress is progress and it is my fault for making up a by-day naming scheme.

https://opposite-lock.com/topic/9503/alfa-top-end-rebuild-day-2-breaking-chains-updated/

I got in contact with the president of our local Alfa club, who is not only nice guy but also knows these engines inside and out and has most, if not all, of the tools needed to work on them. We arranged a meeting time and I trekked over to his garage and picked up the tool needed to pop the head off the block, a hoist bracket, and some liner retainers.

Back home I had a decision to make: beer or Alfa?

Why not both!?

I quickly bolted on the head popper thingy (technical term) which threads into a spark plug hole and braces against the head studs, forcing the head upwards. Sounds crazy, and it is a bit, but it works. After doing the #1 and #4 plugs, I felt like I'd managed to get the head to lift enough to attempt to remove it.

Initially I was going to try and lift the head, but that quickly proved to be a non-starter as the studs just did not want to let go. I mounted up the hoist bracket, make by a member of the club for this purpose and uses the 1 and 4 spark plug holes to lift the head, and made ready to lift.... except I don't have a cherry picker or any type of hoist. But I do have exposed rafters!

What could possibly go wrong?

Well I'm sorry to tell you I didn't manage to compromise the structural integrity of the workshop and did, eventually, get the head free. It was not easy nor straightforward despite many, many love taps with the deadblow, but eventually it was free. I then once again called upon my lovely assistant to help me manhandle the head over to the bench.

Alright. That done I can now OH MY GOD HOW WAS THIS ENGINE EVEN RUNNING?!

That head gasket is gross. It literally fell apart as I was removing it, leaving huge chunks of itself stuck to the block. It is hard to see in the photo, but it is actually stoved in and cracked around the head bolts. ENHANCE

I... wow. I probably need to do some work getting the chunks out of the coolant...

ANYWAY, that done, I installed the cylinder liner retainers. Apparently these unassuming little things will keep the pistons from pushing out the liners should the engine move with the head off.

And with that, I am actually for real real done for the day. Tomorrow I hope to remove the cams and rest of the intake from the head in preparation for it to go to the machine shop hopefully Tuesday.

After a long battle replacing the power steering suction hose in temperatures well below freezing with a major winter storm on the horizon, for the first time since owning it the Land Rover failed me. The problem was not the suction hose (though it wasn't far from being bad too) it was, indeed the pump.

As the temperatures plummeted into the negatives (freedom units) and Oklahoma began to become covered in snow and ice, the Discovery sat in my driveway as a testament to my hubris. Finally my love affair with unreliable cars had created a problem that could not be readily solved with time, money, or both. The extreme weather meant even if I wanted to pay to have the pump replaced, no shop was open and presumably tow services were occupied helping people out of ditches and accidents. With the part unavailable locally I was forced to order it, but the major shippers were, at best, hit of miss in this weather. Understandable, but frustrating. Ultimately I ordered a pump off Amazon, even though the price ($110) was a little too cheap for it to be a quality part (most are $150 + core, OE is ~ $240) of the carriers, I figured Amazon or USPS were the most likely to be able to get me the part.

Now I should say as far as thing to worry about go, this wasn't huge. We still had my partner's Jeep to get around, all of my other cars either being unreliable or in storage, and with the city being hammered with crazy winter weather it isn't like we had anywhere to go anyway. Also complaining about a broken Land Rover when millions are without power, water, gas, heat, and food is... well, I am aware of the optics. That doesn't mean I can't be bummed about it, it was just another thing to add to the pile of dread.

Luckily by Friday Tulsa had endured worst of the weather. Our rolling blackouts here were limited and our house never lost utilities, despite threats. Furthermore, the part arrived only one day late, which was both comfortably within tolerance and impressive, considering. With the forecast showing a balmy high of 45F (7C), I made plans to start work the next day.

And so I did.

I was fortunate in that after discovering the sucktion hose was not the problem, I never reassembled the engine bay. As a result, most of the work to get access to the pump was already done. All that remained was to re-remove the fan, serpentine belt, idler (jockey) pulley, and power steering pulley, then remove the AC compressor and the odd bracket that houses the pump.

Of course, this didn't go smoothly.

I started by removing the fan, belt, and then the AC compressor. The latter sounds scary but isn't actually. It is held in by four bolts on on the top and you don't need to break the pressure lines to get it out of the way, so no needing to discharge/charge the system. (Compressor can be seen sitting on the throttle body in the picture below.)

Next I removed the idler pulley, and then got to work on the power steering pulley.

Attentive readers might have noticed that I donked up here. Without the belt in place, there is nothing to encourage the pulley to stay put while I remove the three bolts holding it on. I have made this mistake literally every time I've had this thing off. Ordinarily I'd go and grab a strap wrench and make it work, but mine dry rotted and I haven't bought a replacement yet. Unwilling to go to the hardware store for such a trivial item, and still lacking an actually functioning vehicle, after confirming my electric impact wouldn't fit but my air impact cleared by almost a whole centimeter, I fired up the air compressor and drug 75 feet of air hose through the melting snow. A few zips with that and the pulley was off, revealing the treacherous power steering pump.

Well... sort of. The power steering pump is buried in what Rover calls the "auxiliary housing," a big hunk of aluminum to which the AC compressor, power steering pump, and, if equipped, active roll bar (ACE) pump attach. Either way, after removing the bolts that hold that to the engine block, then I got to see the treasonous power steering pump.

And you know what? That bugger is tiny! I'm really shocked how small it is. Realistically about the size of a medium grapefruit maybe?

Anyway, a few love taps with a dead blow and the pump was free of the housing.

As with these things, installation is the reverse of removal, and everything went back together pretty quickly. I did get the chance to repair something I broke the last time I had this all apart though. The auxiliary housing is speared by this locating rod for reasons I don't fully understand and when reassembling the Disco last time I over-torqued the nut and sheared the shaft. Being a very odd part, replacements were weeks away, so with a deadline looming and not fully understanding the purpose of the part, at the time I reassembled without. But, I did order the part, so this time I had a chance to make amends and install the new one. I also threw a new bleed screw in the steering box, because why not?

Anyway, once I got the pullies and belt back on, I filled the reservoir with fresh power steering fluid, leaving the cap off to aid in burping, and turned the key.

... and was treated to a shockingly quiet power steering pump!

Followed by a very loud one.

I shut off the car and resisted attempting to set fire to it. Instead I went and checked the fluid level. It had dropped a little, and there were little bubbles in the fluid as a result, but it was far from frothy as it was before. After giving the system a second to settle, I tried again.

And it stayed quiet.

I followed the usual purging procedure (move the wheels left to right a bunch with the cap off) and the pump stayed happy. Without any major evidence to the contrary, after taking measurements for the possible forthcoming eFan conversion, I reassembled the rest of the engine.

Only time will tell if this fix will hold, but I am cautiously optimistic.

Trust and Consequences

To my mind the elephant in the room here is: what would you do if this had happened on the trail. I'll admit, complete failure of my power steering system is not an eventuality I even thought would happen. Presumably after frothing all of its fluid out of the reservoir the pump would eventually run dry enough that the system would be stable... until the pump seized, eventually breaking the serpentine belt, at which point the water pump and alternator would cease their critical functions.

It would not be ideal.

However, this failure was not without warning. I think I'm right in saying the power steering pump has been groaning on startup for at least a year, but looking into it has always been on the "I'll get to it eventually" list. Until this failure I never considered power steering to be an essential function of the vehicle, but hot damn apparently it can really mess things up with the right failure, depending on how it is set up.

I am fortunate that while I didn't have the Land Rover to drive in the snow and ice, the pump was kind enough to die in the driveway rather than the multitude of horrible places it could have.

Overall I don't see this as affecting our (the Landy and I) trust relationship. It tried to tell me something was about to go bang and I didn't heed the warning. In the future, I'll be more proactive in hunting down unusual noises. Ultimately, this thing will fail me on the trail one day, and I've accepted that. My only hope is it will fail in such a way I can at least, one way or the other, get back to the road.

Either way, I still love it and don't hold this "fun" against it.

Burn baby burn.

@haveacarortwoorthree Jalopnik? Never heard of it. Is it some sort of Oppo spinoff?

@davesaddiction said in DOTS Driving home:

@akioohtori

Branson? Did you get the ‘rona?

@ITA97 Oh hey just noticed it was you! Yeah it was the kid that went offroading with us. He fell while on a hike the next weekend and got a cactus barb in his hand. It was a whole big thing.

I was in Branson, MO, for a work thing and drove home yesterday in the C30. Saw a lot of interesting cars along the way, took pictures of none of them, and thanks to the magic of a very large SD card in the dash cam I can give you a glimpse of what I saw...

Isuzu Trooper, 1st gen FOR SALE

Not actual vehicle

This one was off to the side of the road, but certainly caught my eye in the thriving metropolis of Alpena, Arkansas.

Looked pretty good aside from the paint, but given the location's image on street view, I'm glad I didn't stop to grab a number.

Suzuki Esteem Wagon

Not actual vehicle

Only remarkable because I'm not sure I've ever heard of one, let alone seen one.


Looked clean but well used. Nice color too (green iirc?).

Directly in front was...

Toyota Rav4 w/ Trailer

I don't really have soft spot for the 1st gen Rav4 but this thing was damn near perfect. Looks like a modest lift, nice wheels, cool roof rack and cute little trailer. Even the headlights were perfect.

Would hoon.

C8 Corvette

Lovely in red, just interesting to see one getting some highway miles.

Jeep YJ

Mostly notable for the external roof rack, dude couldn't have been having a blast on all those hills. Still...

And some other stuff

A lonley Land Rover Discovery II in a mechanic's yard and a Union Jack liveried Mini come time mind, but I couldn't be bothered to find either in my dash cam footage.

Here is a bonus... what looks to be a Model A Truck?

@ita97 Coworker had a similar situation last year and the Dr managed to get it out, but it was touch and go between that or sending him to the ER. But yeah... Sooner the better

@aestheticsinmotion It's funny that I saw the title and automatically assumed it was one of your posts

@mybirdistheword That is fair. Still a lot of money, but like... I get it. It is a cool vehicle.

@silentbutnotreallydeadly I think it would be unfair to say "omg what a hideous monstrous designed-by-committee wannabe Range Rover super-wagon tank" so I won't.

@mybirdistheword said in Oppo, am I being crazy?:

I have a stable, good paying government job

I also work for the government, so imma have to call BS on the "good paying" part . I think government policy is to pay adequately at best, that way there is a large pool of pre-trained talent for contractors to pick from and then sell back to the government for 4x the cost

That said, I too want a Seven but had no idea they were that expensive. They're amazing little things but also like... not $70k amazing?

@davesaddiction Mixed feelings. Sure is a lot of money for a "sure why not" and is attempting to fill the niche that the Switch is already filling. Cheaper than a dedicated gaming laptop, for sure, but I'm not sure the tradeoffs are worth it.

Then again I'm also the idiot who thought the Switch was a dumb idea so... I don't think my opinion matters much here...

@jminer I bought the Bikehand one off Amazon for $120 and it is fine. Surprisingly sturdy and folds to be pretty small. Only complaint is despite the "quick release" the jaw articulation isn't such that you can mount/unmount a bike without tightening the mechanism too. Also it doesn't have a strap to keep the front wheel from turning, but a small piece of garden velcro fixes that. Looks like similar knock-offs are around $90, so that'd probably be my route...