As many of you know, I've wanted a fuel efficient commuter to reliably get me to and from work in comfort, without any drama during the wet and dreary Seattle winter. Basically, I wanted the absolute antithesis to the last ten vehicles I've purchased.

I'm almost thirty. I'm tired of the struggle. I just want to open the door, turn the key, and go. No drama. No crazy stories. I want to be boring, dammit! Give me a souless appliance, an A-to-B washing machine-on-wheels, a monochromatic blob to blend in with the masses, stuck right with them in the grinding morning commute, ticking down the hours of my life heading back home just to do it all again the next day. Rinse and repeat.

Do you know how many years I commuted with a 5-point harness in an FIA-approved bucket seat, while holding a towel to the roof seam to keep rain from soaking my left shoulder, windows down in a downpour because the HVAC system couldn't keep up well enough to keep the windshield free of fog, head pressed firmly against the low roof, knees hitting the steering wheel, a smell of coolant permeating through the cabin whenever I'd stop for more than ten seconds?

Do you know how many years—how many miles—I've spent twenty minutes just getting dressed, donning layer upon layer of riding gear, prepared for an unwinnable battle not man vs man but man vs the elements, as I journeyed forth from a warm home into sub-freezing temps—only to arrive at my destination miserable, another twenty minutes of shedding layers, finding a place to put the soaked garments, knowing—dreading—that they'd be waiting for me when I returned?

Not to mention the constant dread that yet again I'll be left in misery in the wake of another stolen bike, an empty parking spot the sole, painful reminder of the emptiness growing inside me, a heart under seige by the world's cruelty.

A bit maudlin perhaps, but…

The nail that sticks out gets hammered, and for once I'd like to stop getting beaten down.

Don't judge me too harshly, we've got some new blood to carry the torch. Look to @Taylor-Martin for a stellar example of a young man reaching for the stars, or @gibbsemphasis, his offroad Camero is a blessing upon us. Then there's @sony1492's various projects which are about as inspirational as they come, and I'm sure one of these days @Landen-Genesis-Haysenhox will bewilder us all with tales of his new twin-turboed Genesis.

Someday we all must pass the torch, and I've found my "someday".

Well… without any further ado, here it is I guess!

Silver. Automatic. AWD. Exceptionally well-maintained. Not quite the thrilling buzzwords I've so loved to throw at you in the past, but… oppo. For my own sanity, I just need something simple.

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Mercedes-Benz R55 AMG enters the chat

I AIN'T DEAD YET BITCHES. THESE WORLD-WEARY EYES STILL HAVE A SPARK IN 'EM. THROW YOUR GLASSES IN THE AIR BECAUSE WE'RE POURING THE GOOD SHIT TONIGHT!

Let me introduce you to the absolute best worst car I've ever had. (it's in the picture above, too!)

The 5.0 V8 makes a respectable 300hp and 400ft-lbs of torque. Or at least it did, but given I have no intention of being passed by cyclists, I swapped in A MOTHER-FUCKING 5.4 LITER M113 V8 STRAIGHT OUTTA THE AMG FACTORY!*

*(Editors note: a drunk @AestheticsInMotion was overheard asking "why don't we just put gasoline in diesel engines to save on fuel costs? Why aren't we all talking about this?!" That's all you need to know about AIM's mechanical acumen, so thankfully @amgtech handled the swap over a few days)

The new beating heart is a masterpiece and a half. Germany's finest hand-assembled 5.4 liter V8 sits proudly in the bay of this well-appointed beast—ready and willing to lay down meaty strips of rubber wherever necessary. The exhaust note around town frightens children, and yet at highway speed it utterly disappears behind the cacoon of silence MB has crafted.

Stomp the gas pedal and the automatic takes the briefest second to hook up, before channeling gasoline into forward momentum at a rate that will leave you laughing like a madman.

At 5000 pounds and some change she's no Lotus, but this is one Mommy-mobile that punches well above it's weight class. Did I mention I'm averaging over 23 MPG after 550 miles of driving? 80% highway, sure—but that's PNW highway we're talking about so the majority of it was stop-and-go gridlock! Why is this V8 getting better mileage than every other car I've ever owned? AMG, what witchcraft is going on in your factories..?

Oh, handling. Yeah, it's about what you'd expect from a long wheelbase Mercedes-Benz. Composed at all times. Air suspension in the front and newer springs out back handles highways with aplomb, and gravel forest service roads lose all the harshness I've grown used to in all other vehicles. Overall the ride is very pleasant, surely aided by the three types (!) of sound deadening I've already found applied behind panels.

Quirks? Features? Sure, I'll indulge you. 2nd and 3rd row seats fold flat and my six-foot-something frame can sleep in the back without issue. And yes, this is 100% a plug for future posts, so uh… do comment your thoughts below!

Dual moonroofs make for an incredibly airy and open cabin, even with the tinted windows that I've spoken out against in the past. OEM roof bars and a beefy two inch hitch receptacle means I'll never want for outdoorsy capacity. The tailgate opens and closes with a press of the key fob, which excites me now about as much as my custom Fujitsubo RM-1A exhaust I had on the Miata did eight years ago. Am I adulting right?

With an AMG 55 engine shoved into the R500, we designated this an R55—which was never offered from the factory. The rear badges were updated accordingly—along with a few other Easter eggs—but otherwise @amgtech kept things pretty subtle, which I love.

Did I mention it's lifted on A/T tires? No..? It's lifted on A/T tires. Deal with it.

Speaking of things to deal with, how am I going to deal with the parking situation after adding the van to an already packed lot? editors note: if you've been following along, you know that this issue has recently solved itself! F*ck thieves!

How much will insurance be?

How will I ever financially recover from this?

Great questions!

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a few BaT alerts that I'm finally ready to turn off. I'll leave you with some choice selections from the Discord chat of the past few weeks…

She's a midwife with a laundry list of medical experience. She said she kept feeling like she needed to be there helping people, and the feeling kept getting stronger and stronger.

From what I understand, she should have arrived in Ukraine today. "flight to Europe followed by an eight hour train ride" was how she put it. I have no idea if she has connections over there, is working with an agency of some kind, or is just... Looking for people to help. From our conversation I got the feeling that this isn't her first time stepping into a conflict zone to provide medical assistance.

Pretty cool neighbor. I'm looking forward to hearing more about her life when she gets back.

The Hayabusa was stolen last night. I'd say it hurts, but honestly, after so many stolen vehicles in such a short period of time I find myself handling the necessary tasks without much emotion.

If it turns up I'm not really sure what I'll do. I can't keep the bikes here, and I'm not adding a monthly storage cost. A buddy offered his garage which is great but... That adds a ton of hassle to motorcycle ownership I just don't want to deal with. He's twenty miles away.

I think this is as good a wake-up call as any that I should get back to penny-pinching and investing every last dime that doesn't go to bills. Focus less on things for the time being, and go all-in on my future. It's time to simplify and add lightness, but for my life.

Sorry @OhCrikeyTheRozzers, I was hoping to hold onto this bike for a long, long time.

The Husky will likely go up for sale sooner rather than later

I met up with a buddy from the window washing era, and caught up after a few years apart. Looking back at the shit we did it's a miracle I'm standing (sitting) here writing (touch-typing) this.

You couldn't pay me $10,000 to do some of the things I did back then to successfully complete a job. Quite to the contrary, I'd happily divest myself of such a princely sum just to be free of the lingering aches that accompany me to this day—courtesy of numerous OSHA-defying mishaps.

Such is the power of being an indestructible young man. Even a knee-cap shattering slip off a wet roof didn't crack that facade of absolute permanence & invulnerability. Further years of experience were necessary to finally get past that stage—and for better or worse I'd say that mental shift more than anything signified the true threshold into adulthood.

Sure was fun while it lasted though.

Worked for FBI Special Agents that appeared as normal as white bread, had Microsoft founders serenade me, one of the wealthiest women on the planet would leave a guard with my team despite years of quarterly cleanings, visited MLB players' homes with shrines to baseball in their basement, broke bread with the disgruntled heir of the Oberto family in a sitcom-like shared living space hidden deep within the woods, had a good relationship with multiple Red Robin C-level execs handing out gift cards like beads at Mardi Gras, witnessed a father leaving his lake-front home to pickup his kids from school... In a freakin' helicopter.

Not bad for a company that started with a bucket and rags, walking door to door.

Longtime listeners might recall the ongoing "Sink or Swim" posts of many years ago—a sink-themed progenitor to @exage03040's awesome "This or That. I miss being exposed to the excess that was wealthy-person bathroom design.

Of the below options, which would you pick and which would you bar from ever appearing in a home again?

And of course, the best part of the whole job.

Cats.

So. Many. Cats.

Thanks for strolling through memory lane with me, oppo!

At the beginning of 2020.

I've never shared this with oppo.

2019 was an interesting year. I was fired from what I considered at the time to be a good job. What followed were months spent bouncing around.

I apprenticed as a tile guy in a non-union position for a few months. The pay wasn't great, but it passed the time and as I told myself—tiling was a relevant skill. I could renovate my bathroom at long last! Yeah... It wasn't long before 50 mile commutes in the Miata took their toll on me. Between that and the physical demands of the job that I was struggling to keep up with, I had to walk away.

I spent a week washing windows again for my old boss—but I couldn't live with the feeling that I'd just regressed back to six years prior, with little to show for it.

So—with dwindling funds—I purchased a laptop. With an uncharacteristically sunny Seattle June, I spent every day out and about networking. Coffee shops, parks, gyms... Everywhere was fair game. I was a shark, and small business owners my prey. The sweet spot was single crew to three crew operations. These outfits were generally run by an older guy who had done well enough to have a successful business, but didn't have the knowledge necessary to push the company to the next step where growth really takes off.

See, I'd put together three pretty slick advertising packages. Different tiers, if you will.

Cut through the BS, and it was just basic marketing tools. Buy a domain, make a a company email address, create a modern website. Join and be active on social media. Engage with people online. Advertise, advertise, advertise. Automate schedules, maintenance, and every other piece of low-hanging fruit that can push growth and remove the opportunity for human error.

$999.99 and I'd set up the basics.

$1999.99 and I'd do the basic plan plus head a full advertising campaign on Google, and FB, along with design vinyl wraps for company vehicles and more tradition physical advertising methods, such as yard signs.

$3499.99 would get you the premium plan (basic - premium - premium plus. Where's my oppo card?) plus teach an optomized hiring process, set the company up with various timekeeping, scheduling, payroll apps, and create a 5 year plan based on company goals.

Not a single client went with the "basic" plan.

Slightly over two months of this, I walked away with just over $20k. I sold the company to a former employer for half that, and without a career of any kind, flew off to Asia with a friend for two weeks. What I didn't tell him was that I had neither purchased a return ticket, nor was I planning on coming back with him.

Two weeks went by and my friend returned home. I decided to leave Tokyo and head back to Bangkok, where my remaining money would stretch about twice as long.

A drunken hookup led to a relationship of sorts with a wealthy Thai woman. I was deeply entrenched in a for-the-love-of-god-do-not-think-about-the-future mentality, so... I hung out in Bangkok for awhile. Bouncing around between airbnb's and hotels, I spent a lot of time exploring some of the best nightlife in the world with my new "girlfriend". She also paid for literally everything, which uh.... Was equally unsettling and appreciated by my wallet. Somehow in the span of a few months, I'd gone from middle-management, to a skilled trade, to an entrepreneur, to unemployed with a sugar momma. She tried to talk me into staying permanently, getting a job as a teacher. Probably wouldn't have been a bad life...

Alas, I started getting restless and flew off to a tropical Thai island. Hiking, hanging out with wild cats, exploring the reefs... If your goal is to escape, well, everything, you couldn't ask for much more.

Eventually though I ran low on cash, and the part of my brain that I'd been silencing for months broke through—admonishing me to think about my future. The clock was running down and I had no job, no money, a home I hadn't seen in months, and I needed to do something—anything—to progress my life.

I flew home.

Back to the normal life. Depression came roaring back, with nothing but weekly hikes holding the crushing waves at bay. Well, it was more the person I was hiking with. A few months pass, and things went sour between us. Your mind does a wonderful job of smoothing over pain, and for that I'm thankful because the next few months were the lowest point in my life. Motivation and health dropped inverse to depression. I stayed in, saw nobody outside of the few days a week I worked.

Work. My job as a delivery driver was a constant source of frustration. I desperately wanted out, but the fog was thick and I could see no better options.

December, 2019. I vividly recall flipping a coin. Heads, I leave my job and summit Mt. Rainier the next day. While I was a strong hiker, I lacked any alpine experience, let alone gear. Attempting this in the heart of winter... Well. A flip of a coin is why I'm here now writing this.

Tails.

Join the military. The closest thing I could imagine to the fresh start I desired so greatly.

I chose the Air Force.

With help from a fellow oppo, I settled some legal issues and began the application process. For a month straight I trained body and mind—newfound purpose lighting a fire that had been out for far too long.

Character references were contacted without issue. Interviews were aced. Aptitude tests left me with my destiny as an airman in my own hands. I signed, shook my recruiters hand, and walked away with a massive weight off my shoulders. I had a future lined up.

Then came Covid-19, with the first known US outbreak happening in my city, just miles from my home.

I'd transfered to a new group within the overarching umbrella of my greater company, and the shift was huge for my mental state.

With Covid becoming more and more of a problem, the Air Force shut down training facilities. I was still in touch with my recruiter, and one day he sent an email asking me to re-submit a document. A minor clerical issue, but it was apparently enough to keep me out until fixed.

I spent a lot of time weighing my options.

In the end, I never responded to the recruiter.

Mere weeks later I was promoted to junior management following unprecedented growth in the shipping and e-commerce industries. Another two months and senior management was mine for the taking, a full 44 months earlier than the jump would have occurred during normal times.

As the chaos grew, so too did opportunities for advancement.

I still think about the life I would have had in the Air Force, but at the end of the day I'm happy with my choices and the personal growth I've achieved.

I can say with confidence that the loss of a job will never again hurt me in any way other than monetarily, because I've learned that for me at least, the only battle is the internal one, and I can't lose if I never admit defeat.

Merry Christmas oppo. Thanks for all the help through the years. May 2021 be a year full of growth—in whatever way you need.

@musashi66 just wait until they reveal the bottom half and we realize it's a plastic-clad 4 door crossover-coupe

I'll do a real writeup later when I get a chance to look through photos and videos.

For now I'm still feeling a mile high after a full day of rally instruction at Dirtfish. Amazing team with a rock-solid curriculum, rediculously fun courses set on an old logging property at the base of Mt Si, and an overall experience that I will not soon forget. I learned so much about car control. I had thought that my time in the Miata sliding around forest service roads would give me a good head start in figuring everything out, but that was not the case.

Don't wait, go sign up! @roadkilled

@aestheticsinmotion pallet cleanser for the eyes-

@carsoffortlangley counterpoint: I'm all for tron cars.

In all seriousness though, I think the more pressing issue is the number of people who drive without headlights on because they don't realize that DRLs ≠ headlights & taillights. It might be an unpopular opinion, but I think new cars should have lights on 100% of the time and no way to turn them off short of an aftermarket solution.

After fourteen months of waiting, the company I run has finally sold off 30% of it's routes, and the necessary assets to handle those routes. Think trucks, employees, management, etc.

In reality, we sold the headache-inducing part of the company. The part that kept me in for 18 hour days solving problems left, right and center, the part that had me writing checks constantly to fix property damage complaints, the part where my drivers constantly got stuck on rural roads—always when all tow truck drivers inexplicably decided they'd rather just not work...

Today was the second day since the split. My stress level has plunged dramatically. I no longer feel like I need to plan for hours each night to prepare for the morning. I don't have any dread about what's coming. Shit is easy—relatively—and I'm here to enjoy it.

I wish nothing but but good things to the owner that purchased what we sold, but I have to say.... Seeing him get a taste for the problems that put so many grey hairs in my head and being able to internally say to myself "not my problem!" has to be one of the highlights of working for FedEx. I'm here to offer him and his two managers every bit of advice, knowledge and experience I can muster up—but they're responsible for the legwork and ultimately for the success of their company. For me there are no longer any stakes and it is unbelievably freeing.

On the flip side, I now feel like a veteran of the industry. So many companies get too big and split up, or find a more profitable delivery area and sell off their old spot, or any number of other "moves" that see them moving into a different region. This means that the veterans have often owned the routes comprising 4, 5, or even more different businesses. I suppose I'm now at 2, with some management in another 2. That's... That's veteran status. A weird thought.

Not sure what to do now. Normally I'd still be working, and worrying about getting enough sleep to have the mental health to deal with the clusterfuck coming the next day....

@AMGtech that's Russ's nickname

I vote LFX, LS, J-swap, k-swap, NC engine in that order. Or do the 99/02 best of all worlds franken-1.8 and get it ready for boost.

@AMGtech 100%. With practically every rookie balling out too it's impossible to complain!

(you guys are winning with a backup to the backup now? That's just unfair)

@AMGtech the awful start is the only reason the Hawks are still even slightly in it. But yeah I begrudgingly agree, niners have one of the best overall rosters right now and after today's game the remaining schedule looks to be pretty easy.

@fhrblig nope, just the first couple of years before drafting Wilson.

Speaking of Wilson... That was uh... One way to lose a game. Jesus. You guys need a few games against the Texans to get right.

@fhrblig I started following football around the legion of boom era. Last year felt like the worst as Russ was declining (finger injury and other reasons) and passive-aggressive about staying with Seattle, there were holes everywhere on the team, 4th in the division at 7-10, didn't make playoffs, and faith in Pete was at an all-time low.

Can't say I've ever been in a situation where I was doing laundry while traveling, and there wasn't detergent readily available

That's going to be scary fast in this

@farscythe said in Censorship is getting spicy:

@nickhasanexocet i do actually want a completely unmoderated platform...

just give me the power to block the shit i deem offensive to me and stop deciding for me

This^^^

Seriously, these are gorgeous shots