I Need Advice (personal family conundrum)
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Buffer image and also so there is something automotive here. Plus I am not really sure 100% how the rules of hyphen are, but I imagine we will still encounter personal posts. I guess if not, I can delete it.
Anyway since you are peers and I respect you all I need some advice because I am having trouble dealing with my family during the whole pandemic thing.
My mother is planning on having 15 people over for Thanksgiving from 4 or 5 different households. Not only does this break state covid laws due to our county, but it also very much worries me. Especially worrisome since this same attitude of "they can't tell us what to do" and "we are on this planet to live life, not be afraid" mentality seems to run in this side of my family. I have tried to explain that making sure more people live longer is living life and I have had discussions with her till blue in the face, but nothing works. The cognitive dissidence is too high and her head is too far up her ass.
My partner and I have come to the conclusion that this argument of wear a mask/being precautions = being scared is touted by these groups because if they wore masks or kept the holidays to a minimum then they would have to recognize that the virus is as dangerous as it really is and they do not want to admit that. So in their scared mind they repel the idea it is dangerous.
On the other hand my partner and I try to be as safe as we can be without feeling paranoid. Masks all the time, not really traveling or going out unless we can be as safe as we would like to be, which is fairly safe. So my partner and I have thought we should probably not be at home for Thanksgiving and the couple weeks after to make sure we do not contract and to wait out the incubation if anyone else at my mother's Thanksgiving gets it.
I don't want anyone to get hurt including my family, but they won't listen to me. So leaving for the time is our only option.
So going to his dad's requires we quarantine from my mother and here people the best we can because the father and his girlfriend are very very isolated and are probably a little too protective, but it is what it is. Just makes it really hard to figure out what to do with all this. It means wearing masks in the house or just basically confining ourselves to our rooms which just... does not sound fun at all.I've got a headache just stressing over having to deal with her right now. I guess I could use any suggestions for dealing with all this, besides whiskey cause that is only going so far.
69 AH Sprite | 77 AR GTV 2000 | 95 4Runner | 94 URS4 | OR Oppo
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You’re making the right call. You have to make smart choices to protect yourself and your loved ones, and your mother is making a terrible one.
Regrettably I don’t have any words of wisdom on how to make this easier. Good luck.
On walkabout. Back soonish.
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@just-jeepin said in I Need Advice (personal family conundrum):
You’re making the right call. You have to make smart choices to protect yourself and your loved ones, and your mother is making a terrible one.
Regrettably I don’t have any words of wisdom on how to make this easier. Good luck.
Thanks mate, I appreciate it.
69 AH Sprite | 77 AR GTV 2000 | 95 4Runner | 94 URS4 | OR Oppo
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@captdale-is-secretly-british same as Just Jeepin, said... but here in the Midwest, my immediate family won’t be doing much for Thanksgiving. Probably Christmas either. My wife is trying to get her family to commit to at least a zoom call meeting thing.
I tell my wife and kids they need to look after number one, then two, three and so on. Number one being themselves. You gotta look after yourself before you can look after others.
Good luck.
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I concur with your choice of action. Hopefully you can do this without creating too much family drama.
Master Chief Dingus
The entropy of my garage is always increasing.
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@captdale-is-secretly-british you're in the right here, both about your actions and why you feel your family is behaving the way it is. My brother in law is in retail for a grocery store, and has developed the same attitude. It's that, or deal with the reality of his risk. I get it. But it sucks. There are similarities to my old work, years ago, in animal research. Sacrifice enough animals without mental support and it gets ugly. This is similar.
But take care of yourself, and your partner, first and foremost. And you're doing that -
I'm not going to tell someone else what to do but I can offer what I'm doing.
We're not doing any gathering. Myself and most of my peer group and several family members work in hospitals though so it's easier for us to make the call and stick to it as nobody is guessing, we live with it at work every day. Several extended family gatherings going on; we're not going to any of them nor will we be associating with any of them. Just makes it easier to know who to avoid from my perspective.
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@captdale-is-secretly-british I'd say don't go. My MIL hosted something 2 days ago with 8 people, one of who is a COVID nurse. Also against the PHO here.
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@rusty-vandura @CaptDale-is-secretly-British should pull the "I got exposed and have to isolate" card.
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Smart move by you and your partner. Both to not go to your family's for Thanksgiving and to find a hopefully non-confrontational reason why.
I suppose they have the right to bury their heads in the sand, but you have the right to be smarter than that, too.
Good luck! -
@captdale-is-secretly-british I think you're making the right call here. It's a tough one but protecting your own family has to come first. If you don't trust them to take proper precautions, it just isn't worth it. Especially if it will be indoors (gotta love that Georgia weather that makes an outdoor Thanksgiving possible).
As someone who who had never had the luxury of being careless due to health concerns I really feel you. Fortunately my family has a socially distanced Thanksgiving planned outside with some cousins who also have been pretty careful which will be a relief to see them all again. Especially with a recent death in the family it is all the more important.
And this type of personal post is what makes Oppo great. This is a community where we can be open like this and I love it more for it.
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Ultimately it's up to how you feel safest. Not like they can do much about you not showing up except complain, and you can always just...not answer the calls later. If this is ultimately a long-term sticking point that can get tricky but may be necessary since it doesn't look like this is going anywhere any time soon.
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@captdale-is-secretly-british Man, that’s a super tough one, but I’d say that y’all are making the right call. At some point, you have to accept that other people’s decisions are theirs, and if the only negative outcome is hurt feelings, that’s better than someone getting sick.
You’re all adults, and you gotta do right. -
It's a good call. We don't have anything like the Covid risks you and yours face in the US (nor are we faced with scale of personal irresponsibility) but we are all still going for small seperate family gatherings this Xmas...
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@captdale-is-secretly-british Man I hear you. My ENTIRE life is this right now (Healthcare communications). What worked for my family? About 6 people getting sick from a family function. Thankfully no one got really sick but at least 3 of my sibs wont be tasting thanksgiving. Also thankfully my mom and her husband did NOT attend, though they had planned to baring unexpected events.
Some in my family still have a "don't care" attitude, but the ones that got sick are suddenly MUCH more cautious and proactive. Its nice to see. I've seen the ICU's with my own eyes, I've seen nurses break down in front of me crying. BEGGING people to try harder.
Frankly the only way some people are going to learn...is the hard way. Hopefully not.
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As for advice? Don't get guilted into doing something you know isn't right. Don't guilt them either, that just galvanizes people's opinions. Just lead by example and frankly express concern for their safety.
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Do you live with your mom? That’s what I took from the last paragraph. That would make isolating difficult.
I’m not one of these who is going to say your mom is wrong for deciding on what level of risk she deems acceptable. Nor are you wrong for your choice. She may be taking too much risk, and that is distressing, but that is her choice I guess. I sincerely hope she doesn’t end up regretting it. The important thing is that she doesn’t get to impose her choices on you and you should not be made to feel bad for your choice of risk level. You guys should go to your partner’s dad’s and enjoy yourselves. Do what you need to do to prep for that and don’t apologize. I’m really sorry you are put in this position. But you are going the right thing for you. YOu don’t want to get sick.
You also don’t want your mom to get sick, and it’s tough that she’s being a bit reckless with her health. But if she is as adamant as you say about her attitude toward the disease, then save yourself a lot of grief and don’t argue with her. Good luck friend. Be safe.
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I would say do whats right for you. I’m opposed to the mask stuff, i think its nonsense, i dont wear a mask except at work (and the coffee shop because i know the owner and respect his wishes). I also respect that other people may want to isolate, mask up, and all that. I say do whats right for you and who cares about the consequences, its your life and you should stand for what you believe in. Youve done your due diligence out of love and care for your family.
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@captdale-is-secretly-british You actually have two conundrums, the disease transmission and the social / family aspect. For the first, I'm of the opinion that if I'm sitting across from somebody eating & talking, that is the most likely time to transmit a respiratory disease that you may not know you have. Therefore, screw it, might as well mask-off the entire time you're at their house.
If you're not ok with accepting this, then decline the invite. This brings up the second conundrum, which is dealing with the social / family aspect. Try something like "I want to see everybody but I'm not comfortable with it in the current environment. We'll catch up once all of this stuff clears up". They may call you a weenie at that point while you call them an idiot, but that will happen. Stand your ground and work it out later. Just tread lightly, don't want to do anything to risk your bit of the inheritance, just in case the timing of its disbursement gets..... accelerated.
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@captdale-is-secretly-british Good call. Please protect yourselves first as you cannot force others to protect themselves.
We're no good caretakers if we can't take care of ourselves first.
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@nermal Yeah the inheritance part is a good point, but man, screw risking my life for a piece of inheritance pie. #thanksnothanks
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@captdale-is-secretly-british Does your mom have a doctor, have them call her. This pandemic is about to get worse for really stupid reasons. I hope Trump is lambasted in the history books, who ever would have guessed a potus would make a pandemic political.
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In a country where gun ownership is a constitutional right and motorcycle helmets are optional in most states, it should not be surprising that a sizable portion of the population chooses to disregard basic precautions to contain a typically-survivable virus pandemic.
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@maximaspeed said in I Need Advice (personal family conundrum):
I would say do whats right for you. I’m opposed to the mask stuff, i think its nonsense, i dont wear a mask except at work (and the coffee shop because i know the owner and respect his wishes).
My daughter is a nurse, she wouldn't respect your right to choose. She has to deal with the consequences of YOUR behavior
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I'm looking forward to similar unpleasantness with my "they can't tell us what to do" and "it's family, it's fine" sooooooon
