GUYS.....I HAVE SOLVED MODERN VEHICLE SECURITY.

[RallyDarkstrike]

I imagine most of you know of my disdain for modern proximity key ignition systems in vehicles which people with a a Raspberry Pi and a bit of basic coding knowhow (or, you know....like...just access to the seedier parts of the internet) can use to steal pretty much anything from Teslas to Mazdas (as some of our own Oppos all-too-sadly know)...

SO, I have come up with the ultimate combo system for modern vehicle security using the technology of the past!

OK,ok, hear me out before you start throwing large wads of cash my way....I'll at least explain it first.

One.....chip ignition keys. We need these back....BUT....the ignition switch on the column doesn't START the car, but merely activate power! They work the same as they always did, providing a physical layer of security (the key) AND a technology layer of security (the RFID chip) to overcome.....BUT....

WE'RE NOT THROUGH YET! That's right....there is one more layer of technology that I am adding to make vehicles invincible. WE'RE BRINGING BACK HAND-CRANKING....because what thief is going to want to waste time trying to start cars that way! Yup, cars will have a compression release to somewhat ease crank starting and a crank start will be used to actually start the engine....BUT...the tip of the crank that engages with the engine will ALSO have a bike-lock style circular key head cut into the end of the crank handle that engages with a lock on the crank for maximum sekuritiez! Like this:

Yeah, yeah, I know those key types are easier to pick...but if you already have to defeat two security measures AND crank the car, you're not going to want to be bothered to defeat this too...imagine trying to do all of this in the cold or rain!

It's genius. I think I'll retire now and live off the sweet sweet income I'm about to make.

*** Disclaimer.....RallyDarkstrike MAY have just had a massive mug of hot chocolate and may be currently on a massive sugar high ***

[WhoIsTheLeader]

@rallydarkstrike Yes, but if you can't be bothered to hand crank a car to get it for free, why would you pay money for such a vehicle?

[BaconSandwich]

@rallydarkstrike part of me kind of likes the idea of a USB key based security system. Need to copy a key for a friend? Just copy the file to a new USB stick. I'm sure it's rife with terrible security holes, but it does seem kind of neat.

Alternatively: you're just going to make Lock Picking Lawyer a little more tired before he manages to steal your car.

[facw]

@rallydarkstrike Oh sure, let's use the lock type that can be picked with a Bic pen...

Also thieves would just use a (stolen) cordless drill/driver/impact to turn the crank. So would I (mine wouldn't be stolen)!

[RallyDarkstrike]

@facw Oh sure, nit-pick my brilliant plan!

[RallyDarkstrike]

@baconsandwich Not sure I'd trust a USB-style type key system....I don't trust the overly techy systems we have now.

I mean, the BEST security measure is just bring back manual transmissions

[RallyDarkstrike]

@whoistheleader ...because you'll be the envy of all your friends because of how secure your car is and also, think of all the free arm workouts you'll get without even trying! YOU'LL HAVE SUCH BIG GUNS!

[WhoIsTheLeader]

@rallydarkstrike But then the thieves would have even bigger guns. . .

[BritsnSwedes was MINIGTI]

@rallydarkstrike @WhoIsTheLeader the very early Jaguar XK-120 c1950 was probably one of the last production cars that actually came with a hand crank. Good luck starting that massive (3.8l?) DOHC 6-cyl.

[RallyDarkstrike]

@britsnswedes-was-minigti I think the Citroen 2CV still had the provision for the hand crank it all the way until 1990!

[Italia]

@rallydarkstrike well tube locks are defeated by nice pens in many cases so make sure that doesn't work to crank your car.

[Chariotoflove]

@rallydarkstrike

This might just work!

But I’d never find out because I’d rather take the bus.

[Manwich]

@rallydarkstrike
That's stupid! What you really need to add an additional latch that the baddies will NEVER figure out:

[Old Busted Hotness]

oh, oh, I know! Just password-protect the starter! Password must be 16 characters and contain upper and lowercase letters, and at least one number and one symbol, and must be reset every six months.

[A Former User]

@rallydarkstrike You've invented the kill switch!

Wait a second...

[RallyDarkstrike]

@whoistheleader I'm hoping I'd never have to meet them

[RallyDarkstrike]

@italia It'd have to be an awfully large pen!

[RallyDarkstrike]

@chariotoflove Pfffttttt....lazy!

[RallyDarkstrike]

@manwich ....what madness is this? 0_o

[RallyDarkstrike]

@old-busted-hotness Pfffttttt....Ford already did that keypad door password thing....I was trying to go old-school!

[RallyDarkstrike]

@sovande Sorta-kinda-ish?

[ST80MND]

@rallydarkstrike I always assumed having a manual tranny was good enough.

[RallyDarkstrike]

@st80mnd Probably in this day and age...

[ST80MND]

@rallydarkstrike "I can't steal this! It has no autopilot, won't park itself, has no starbucks, and won't console my snowflake ass when I get caught!

[RallyDarkstrike]

@st80mnd That sounds like my car which has no options whatsoever LOL