A Property Literally with Character
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I occasionally trawl the UK estate agent listings looking for random stuff for sale around where I grew up.
This one caught my eye due to it's unusual photos and cheap price.
https://www.onthemarket.com/details/12127794/
It's on the outskirts of Huddersfield which is a mid-sized mill town in Yorkshire and set to go to auction with a guide price of £75,000 GBP which on first glance seems quite reasonable even for a teardown building plot.
Huddersfield is nothing special but that area looks to be a pleasant older suburb, with some really tony stone-clad new builds nearby. The house next door would qualify as a mansion and the property backs onto large sports field.
The listing mentions that the reserve price is set within 10% of the guide price - I've not seen that before, normally auctioneers are pretty secretive about reserves.
So what's going on here?
From the first few photos it looks to be a fairly standard hoarder situation although the mad max fort structure out front is a bit unusual.
Regrettably (and maybe intentionally) the signs full of guaranteed to be bonkers text aren't quite legible from the photos.
The estate agent's generic prose might cause you to slightly skate past the state of the place.
"The existing house now requires extensive rebuilding works and refurbishing throughout but there is the potential to significantly extend the existing property subject to obtaining the necessary planning consents."
It's not so easy to see in the photos but on satellite imagery you can tell the roof of the building is completely collapsed and all that's left are exterior walls.
Inside the house
Clearly the guy was living in the static caravan and surrounding shanties.
Ok, so budget for a backhoe and couple of big bins to haul everything away, doesn't seem like the building has any heritage designation so either knock it down, or incorporate it into any new construction which would likely make the planning permission easier – no big deal.
But then we get to the kicker....
"Please be aware this property is being sold by a family member as part of a relative’s estate. As part of the deceased wishes, who was a well-known local character, they asked to be buried in the garden and this wish has been carried out with the property being sold as it is. Information regarding the respectful treatment of human remains in unconsecrated grounds can be found on the Government website"
That's right the mad old coot that made all this mess is buried in the back yard!
This is the first property for sale I've seen where the former owner gets to stay, although I suppose technically they're not living there anymore...
I think the tactful line "Information regarding the respectful treatment of human remains in unconsecrated grounds can be found on the Government website" is the auctioneers hint on where to look should you be thinking of digging the old geezer up and tossing him in the skip along with the broken barbie jeep and concrete cats...
Hmmm... how easy is to exhume a body?
I googled so you don't have to: unfortunately due to England's rather arcane laws even if you own the land you need to apply for an "exhumation license" from the Ministry of Justice which is contingent on the consent of the deceased's next of kin.
Based on the fields in the form that means if any surviving spouse, child, parent or sibling won't agree you're SOL.Since they just stuck him in there chances the relatives aren't going to sign off on you digging. On the plus side at least it's not consecrated ground: then you'd have to get the Church of England involved too.
I've heard of people with large estates or farms having a "family plot" but it turns out there's not really anything stopping you burying granny under the patio of her bungalow in Luton, you just need a simple permit that's mainly to confirm it's not too close to a structure, property line or a water source.
Chapter 2: the character
I couldn't just leave it there
A google search for obituaries of a Huddersfield local character from Peat Ponds turned up articles on the first hit.
May we all be so influential as to be featured twice by the "Huddersfield Hub" upon our demise.
The first was a summary of the guy's life; it turns out "Jake Mangle-Wurzel" (changed from John Gray by deed poll natch) had been entertaining and aggravating the neighbourhood in about equal measure for nigh on 40 years, being a professional prankster for newspaper stories and self-appointed town joker.
It's a hard to tell if he was the product of the uptight British loving an "eccentric" who flouts social norms or the dismal failure of our mental health care system – probably a bit of both. He did seem to be genuinely liked by many but also outrageous on purpose and not entirely harmless.
Honestly it sounds like he'd have done well in the social media era, that kind of DGAF, attention seeking personality seems to thrive to YouTube.
According to one piece he had a "Wife" although she didn't live with him and the articles mention he may have/had 7 or 8 over the years (including a professional mud wrestler for a stunt and a dog). Given the guys' tendency to create a spectacle and general disregard for the niceties of legal paperwork who knows. Apparently he had a daughter who was estranged for many years and you suspect might be quite relieved if the whole thing went quietly away.
The article on the funeral (decent turnout) and gallery of photos had more detail. For those wondering how you could even dig a grave under all that junk; he built his own "mausoleum" overlooking the park – using someone else's headstone he picked up cheap. (which is a very Yorkshireman thing to do)
Yup you can see it on the left in the listing photos here: pointy structure with some kind of yellow sign on the front.
And that's the back of it; looks like stiff breeze would push it over.
I wonder if they backfilled that hole after lowering him down with car seatbelts, I don't fancy the chances of whatever lid he built doing the job.
The auction goes at 14:00 BST on September 6th and I've now wasted so much time looking into this that I'm tempted to try and watch the livestream to see how much money someone will pay to deal with a decomposing wacko in a green soapbox on wheels...
https://www.auctionhouse.co.uk/manchester/auction/lot/115538
Needless to say he does seem to be having the last laugh from beyond the grave
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@zipfuel A burial I wouldn't care about, as long as it wasn't in a spot on the property where I'd be likely to want to dig for construction or landscaping, but the fact that the "mausoleum" is a crappy scrap wood shed that seems like it's right in the middle of everything is kind of a different story
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@zipfuel Well that is.......something.
At the beginning I was all like "75 pounds for a house? hell yeah!" then I read the rest and now I'm like "75 pounds to be haunted by a weirdo? No thanks!""What are you gonna do, stab me?"
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@ranwhenparked I can't help but think after buying the place, if you reported yourself to the commonwealth code enforcement, they'd dictate the thing be removed from the property.
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I love rabbit hole research like this. I haven't done anything in a while, but here are a couple of tombstone research projects I shared here.
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Sounds like a prime recipe for poltergeist haunting...
Fuck that -
@WasGTIthenGTOthenNOVAthenGTInowA4 if it's any consolation the guy apparently wasn't in favour of religion, dunno if that decreases the chances of haunting.
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@zipfuel My guess is he was religious, but he was "spiritual"
Seems to be the trend nowadays from people who want to sell you rocks. And he seems like a rock seller.
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@zipfuel The buried guy wouldn't bother me, though I'd bulldoze that "mausoleum" and just put the headstone there with some landscaping. With all that red hair hair he looked like family anyway.
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@zipfuel said in A Property Literally with Character:
Apparently he had a daughter who was estranged for many years and you suspect might be quite relieved if the whole thing went quietly away.
Which would be a good reason for her to allow a new owner to relocate his remains and allow the whole thing to go quietly into the night..
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@orneryduck according to one of the articles he did it properly and applied for the permits from the council in advance... So you'd have to lean on a health hazard
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@siennaman or, a good reason for her to come out of the woodwork and get all litigious due to internal guilt over not being around more for him when he was alive/desire to prove to relatives that she's a good/responsible daughter
Sometimes, the family members that have the least to say to a person when they're alive suddenly have the most to say when they're dead
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Either way, this is going to make for a fantastic premise the next time Edgar Wright does a movie!
Just picture The Money Pit, but with Simon Pegg and Rebel Wilson as the husband and wife, plus Nick Frost as the sketchy neighbor who is also an extended family member -- cut out of the will -- who doesn't approve of the fancy new mansion the couple wants to build on the property.
The highest of jinks ensue.
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Great find, and what a story. Please buy it for our entertainment!
I doubt removing the masoleum "shed" would violate any rules, as long as you don't disturb the grave. Even removing the headstone may very well be legal (but I dunno).
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@ash78 oh, this is fantastic - can it be written as a 90 minute movie, then stretched at the last minute into 10 half hour episodes for streaming purposes? Also, need to cast someone as the attractive general contractor that Rebel Wilson's character finds herself starting to turn to for support as her husband goes further off the deep end from all the stress, further adding to his stress with hilarious results
2022 Ioniq SE
1964 Corvair Monza -
Did he always go around with handcuffs at the ready, or did the photographer capture him anticipating a frisky interlude with one or more of the seven or eight?the guide price
The spirit guide price, amirite?
Anyway, I wouldn't be put off by the presence of the dead (one day I shall join them, like all men, arguably save one, who have ever been or ever will be) but the physical legacy of a florid hoarding disorder is another thing. Don't forget to add demolition and clearing to your cost of construction — with generous contingency in case you discover storage vats full of chemical unknowns, or his grenade collection spanning several wars, or whatnot.
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@ranwhenparked said in A Property Literally with Character:
Sometimes, the family members that have the least to say to a person when they're alive suddenly have the most to say when they're dead
A good point. An especially interesting variant is when one of the family members gets the idea that the decedent had squirreled away a fortune, which they cannot prove but they are sure is attested-to by a piece of paper amid the stacks, or perhaps in the form of physical currency and buried somewhere on the premises.
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@Ad-absurdum-per-aspera I believe if you look closely you'll see that monument he's leaning against claims to a be a "Civic Folly" and entrant for the Turner Prize; which is an award for modern art (and has featured some truly wacky stuff over the years including sliced cows in formaldehyde and an unmade bed, leading to it becoming synonymous with the idea that any piece of crap can be art if you say so)
I suspect based on context that he erected it as an unauthorized and difficult to remove piece of public "art" and was either prepared to lock himself to it to thwart removal or in the process of being arrested.
Also I laughed out loud at "spirit guide price"
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@ranwhenparked I'll allow it but only as the basis of a reboot of "last of the summer wine" as the old fella's mates try to thwart the builders and end up sliding downhill in a bathtub.
(I just learned they already prequeled it) -
@zipfuel thank you.
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I was thinking maybe you could buy it and 'accidentally' burn it all to the ground. But I then guess there's the arson charges that probably wouldn't end well.
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@BJ I'm pretty sure the rules only apply to the deceased not the headstone which isn't his anyway. I've already given this way too much thought and reckon the base case would be to jackhammer everything off the surface and pave over him for a parking spot.
Then offer the family members the options: complete erasure and some yellow lines or sign the form and I'll pay to have him dug up, cremated and the remains fired out of a cannon across the field while the cameras roll...
Maybe sponsor some kind of tasteless memorial like a musical urinal.
@pos_camaro isn't there a bit in the 'pirates of Penzance' where someone is talking about his "ancestors by purchase"? -
@zipfuel
Sheriff Ledbetter : Remember, Mrs. Farmer. Whenever you buy a house, whatever's in the ground belongs to you - whether it's gold or oil... or Claude Musselman. -
@john-norris I mean it's been a year since the funeral, I'm kinda surprised the local yoofs haven't already had a go...
If it went up between Oct 30th and Nov 5th nobody would bat an eye.
Unfortunately burning it to the ground doesn't resolve the underground problem. -
@zipfuel buy it and just put a bulldozer through it.
