Mental health update.
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I guess maybe since the suicide of my friend/my wife’s cousin that she grew up with and the subsequent family grief and funeral stuff, I haven’t really focused on much of my own mental health stuff. I’ve been going 100 miles-per-hour mentally to be strong for my wife and the family.
But now, we are two weeks out from everything and I sort of feel a big weight crashing down on me. My anxiety and OCD are pressing me big time. I can feel the lump in my throat holding back the angry tears and I feel my heart rate edging at or over 100 all day.
I guess I’m just frustrated because I was doing so well for so long. Things were looking good for me in the mental health world - I haven’t even been to see my therapist for a while…even though she’s always able to fit me in when I need a session. Perhaps maybe the weight of these last few weeks is finally catching up with me?
Who knows. All I do know is, what I struggle with is hard to explain and not something I take lightly in sharing with others due to its complexity and difficulty in narrating. That adds to the overall struggle, of course.
Sigh. Just a bump in the road, I guess. I don’t feel like I’m back at square one and I know my medicine and coping techniques are still working as best they can, but times are still tough.
One good thing is that I have a trip to the Garden of the Gods in Illinois (about 2 hours west of me) on Monday with my best friend and another friend I’ve known since high school. We rented a cabin near the park and are going to hike some (easy) trails. Only thing is that I am considerably fatter than either of them, so I hope I don’t slow them down too much…
The drive out there with my music will be good for me to decompress, too.
‘90 Pontiac Sunbird LE
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@Mazda616 It's a hell of a bump in the road y'all have had to go through recently. I think that would weigh on just about anybody, so I wouldn't be hard on yourself that you're experiencing the 'fallout' now from it for yourself.
That upcoming trip sounds awesome.
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I can feel the lump in my throat holding back the angry tears and I feel my heart rate edging at or over 100 all day.
I will preface this by saying that I have absolutely no experience with the things you are feeling. But might it be cathartic to find a quiet place to let all this out?
Hang in there.
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mental health isn't a game, and you aren't "losing" by encountering roadblocks and bumps. it's a journey, and sometimes the route changes due to traffic jams.
don't feel like you've failed at anything because you are working through this. if anything, it's pretty encouraging, actually, that you're cognizant of the fact that you are struggling, and know what's causing it, and what it's doing to you. it also sounds like you know the resources you have available... i'd recommend reaching out to your therapist. that isn't a sign of failure or wrongdoing, that's taking control and applying resources that you know you have available to you.
personally, i see a therapist for my sleep because of my insomnia caused by PTSD and other things. I was doing really well for a while, and i was only seeing her once in 6 months? Well, things went off the rails and I've been up all night pretty frequently again (Monday night I was up till 6am), so I knew it was time to reach back out and start working through things again. It isn't a failure, it's a detour around a roadblock.
You can also think of it as a muscle. That's helped me visualize it at times: A muscle doesn't just get strong by being there, it takes repetitions of an exercise to strengthen it. Going back and doing something again isn't failure, it's giving your muscle a repetition to be stronger later.
Anyway, sorry for rambling, hopefully it's somewhat useful. Main point is, your feelings are valid, you seem like you know how to address the issues you're currently facing, and I hope you find some peace.
2015 F150 - 2002 IS300 Wagon - 1987 Supra - 2005 Civic
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@derp said in Mental health update.:
mental health isn't a game, and you aren't "losing" by encountering roadblocks and bumps. it's a journey, and sometimes the route changes due to traffic jams.
This is one of the best things I've ever read.
Well put!!!!!
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she’s always able to fit me in when I need a session
Please give her a ring, and go have a chat.
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@Mazda616
Hang in there buddy. -
@Mazda616 Hang in there man! Take care of yourself, and enjoy your trip.
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@Mazda616 It's terrible what you and your family have been through recently, so it's no surprise you've hit a bump. As others have said, there's absolutely no shame in calling on your therapist if you need it. In the meantime, look after yourself and enjoy your hiking trip.
