Country Living, x2 (carnage and a story of a near-miss inside)

[davesaddiction]

So, there’s been an armadillo tearing the shit out of our property for over a year. They’re hard to trap, and I hadn’t yet camped outside with my shotgun, so this asshole’s just been a thorn in my side for months. Well, late yesterday evening, it finally met its end. It got caught in my kids’ soccer net and I heard it moving around (just outside my bedroom), so I hopped up, grabbed my spotlight and a shovel and hustled out. When he saw me, he started to run and got free (they’re fast!), but I managed to get him turned back the other way and he got caught in the net again. Maybe I should’ve taken the time to get a firearm (they’re well locked up), because this beast did not meet a quick end... Holy crap are they tough bastards. Sorry to be graphic, but it must’ve taken 5 mins to dispatch him. My shoulder & back are sore this morning... photographic evidence below.

And then! ...this morning, after dropping my kids off at school, I’m on my way back home (I’m WFH on Fridays right now). I live way east of Tulsa, in the middle of the country. Anyway, I’m just tooling around, and from a distance, I see a car coming down their lane, heading toward the road. As a good defensive driver, I was ready for them to nose their car out too far or whatever, which they did, right in front of me, and then kept coming! I braked and laid on the horn - thankfully they finally stopped (in my lane) and I went around in the other lane. Dumbass... But get this: it was an RX-8! So, this morning, in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma, a Mazda RX-8 and a Chevy SS sedan almost got into a bad wreck. Crazy.

There are Jalops everywhere.

.

[dead armadillo follows]

.

.

[WhoIsTheLeader]

I would say poor armadillo but I can't help but think how legendary your kids could become once the other kids see their bloody soccer net! You just made soccer so much cooler!

I don't exactly associate RX-8s with oblivious drivers because the few that there were have long since blown up their engines from oil starvation. Maybe he was too busy admiring your Holden.

[S65]

Y'all got Armadillos out in OK? Their range is supposed to expand eventually up to MD, how bad are we in for?

[NomDePlume]

I remember seeing one up here only a few hundred miles from the Canuckistani border around 2000. Middle of the night sitting up on a roof and saw something very odd looking pass through a cone of light. Moved differently than any other nocturnal animal. Finally got a better glimpse and couldn't believe that was it was an Armadillo. They live in TX, it was late Fall and hovering around freezing.

Apparently they are rare, can't survive the Winter, but do make their way up here somehow.

[davesaddiction]

@whoistheleader My car is RED - no idea how they could've missed me. S/he just assumed there would be no one on the road at the time.

[davesaddiction]

@s65 They SUCK. Dig softball sized holes everywhere, and then several big burrows in various places, too. And... they can carry leprosy.

[WhoIsTheLeader]

@davesaddiction You can keep them. No need to send the armadillo hoards out my way.

[DAWRX]

@davesaddiction This is like...the opposite of fur face friday lol

[sony1492]

@davesaddiction Partly a strong armadillo but also; Shovels are usually less effective of a weapon then one might think

[StuckMTB]

Yikes! Sounds like an interesting night. Glad your SS survived the morning though!

[davesaddiction]

@dawrx Ha! Yeah... sorry about that. Friday the 13th, 2020, and all that.

[davesaddiction]

@stuckmtb No joke! It was way too close.

[Smallbear]

@davesaddiction That would have been a bright red pile of suck. Glad you and the SS are OK.

[S65]

@davesaddiction Oh that sounds, very unpleasant. Can't wait for the dog to try to fight one of those.

[BicycleBuck]

@davesaddiction I didn't realize that you live in OK. I lived around the OKC area for years before moving to rural OK County. My first introduction to an armadillo was when my mom bought our land. I walked right up to, it jumped, I jumped, and we both ran in opposite directions. My mom nearly fell down laughing.

[BicycleBuck]

@s65 Golf course managers hate them. We never had too much trouble with them, but they will destroy the front end of your car. Most cars/trucks are tall enough to straddle them, but their defense mechanism is to jump straight up when scared. That puts them right into the bumper or grill. If you see one on the road, slow down and try to avoid it.

[RallyWrench]

As I read the description of your righteous battle against the armadillo, I was imagining it to be a raccoon. I have shovels at the ready, strategically placed around the house in case I need to Dave any trash pandas in the yard.

[davesaddiction]

@rallywrench I'm laughing so hard right now...

A raccoon completely mauled one of our ducks (I had to put it out of its misery), if you need any extra motivation. It doesn't appear that you do.

[іди на хуй Влад - formerly known as Distraxi]

@sony1492 I find they work pretty well for dispatching rabbits the cats bring in. Put the blade on the neck and stand on it, job done. Awful lot less armor plating on a bunny than an armadillo though.

[sony1492]

@distraxi something like a rattle snake will take significant effort if the soils soft

[іди на хуй Влад - formerly known as Distraxi]

@sony1492 Not a problem round here: no snakes in NZ.

[davesaddiction]

@distraxi Fingers crossed!

Have snake fossils ever been found? So interesting...

85 million years separated from OZ.

[іди на хуй Влад - formerly known as Distraxi]

@davesaddiction Not AFAIK.

Another interesting factoid is we have only one native mammal: a bat. We’ve been out on our own in a big patch of water for a loooong time.

[davesaddiction]

@distraxi Crazy!

Can't wait to visit one day.

[derp]

So instead of fur face friday it was armored animal assassination another day.