Hear me out.....

[kiltedpadre]

Yes, we like to shit on this car, and no it really wasn’t a “good” car. However, if it really does run and drive and just needs “break work” (my eye is twitching from typing that) then this thing is an absolute bargain at $950. The body has seen much better days, and I’d wear a tyvek until I could steam clean the interior though. But it’s a MASERATI

But again $950!

What brave Texas Oppo is going to bite the bullet??
I know I could buy it and ship it here, but even I’m not nuts enough to pay to ship this beautiful turd further than a AAA gold card will get it towed.

https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/685123125709001/

[ranwhenparked]

@kiltedpadre Well, the seats always seemed pretty comfy. And that round porthole in the hard top is pretty sharp.

[WhoIsTheLeader]

I choose to interpret "needs break work" literally as in it needs to become a TC Break, aka wagon. Slap on a the back end of one of these and you're in business!

[sony1492]

@kiltedpadre its a, "Maserati"

[This is what we'll show...]

It looks like the lovechild of a 90's Eldorado and a Dodge.

LS or Hemi swap? That is the question.

[interstate366]

@this-is-what-we-ll-show was there a transverse Hemi?

[This is what we'll show...]

Wait, that shitpile was FWD?

Northstar is is then I guess.

[kiltedpadre]

@this-is-what-we-ll-show Yep, it’s k-car through and through. I think the appropriate swap would be a Neon SRT-4 drivetrain.

[kiltedpadre]

@interstate366 I’m thinking Neon SRT-4 swap.

[kiltedpadre]

@whoistheleader
But then you lose the port hole top!
I’m thinking ute conversion may be better.

In the meantime I’d find an old satin Maserati jacket and matching hat and ride around smoking a pipe in my awesome convertible.

[onlytwowheels]

My stepdad worked with a guy that bought a pair of these after winning the lottery. I never thought much of these cars, due to their close resemblance to the LeBaron. Those seats do look rather comfortable though.....

Must be the old age setting in.

[kiltedpadre]

@onlytwowheels
The 80’s padded BarcaLounger seats were fantastic; as long as your drive didn’t involve too many curves.

At one point there was a guy in my area that had several of these and several Allantes as well. I don’t know if he still does or not.

[kiltedpadre]

@ranwhenparked that style of seat is amazing when eating up miles on the highway

[WhoIsTheLeader]

@kiltedpadre How about we meet in the middle with a ute conversion with a custom bed cap?

[onlytwowheels]

@kiltedpadre Oddly enough, I found myself shopping Allantes this summer. They seem to be at the bottom of the depreciation curve and will certainly increase in value in the years ahead.

[kiltedpadre]

@onlytwowheels every spring I start looking at cheap convertibles, and Allantes always catch my eye.
I remember going on a family tour of a GM plant when they first were announced and being drawn to a maroon one that was sitting outside while I waited my turn to go inside.

[kiltedpadre]

@whoistheleader only if the cap also has portholes

[e90m3]

@kiltedpadre Good thing I don't live in San Antoino with some oil money to blow anymore.

[kiltedpadre]

@e90m3 If this had been for sale last year when I was in Texas for work I might’ve bought it, had someone fix the brakes, and seen if it would survive the drive home to Ohio.

[e90m3]

@kiltedpadre I used to live less than 20 minutes from where that car is for sale. Late 2015 me might have been very tempted.

[onlytwowheels]

@kiltedpadre I'm sure it was Rob Emslie that spurred my Allante search with this:

https://jalopnik.com/at-6-500-could-this-1988-mary-kay-cadillac-allante-pu-1843540646

It was quite a nice surprise to see how the Allante was now priced so reasonably. I hadn't notice their values had slipped well below the $10k level until this point.

[SmugAardvark]

For less than $1,000...why the hell not? I'd probably rather have this than a Maserati Biturbo of the same era. K-cars are largely just bland appliances to me, but at least they'll run, and won't cost you several times the value of the car to keep on the road.

[2 Jeeps and a Mustang wants a Fiata]

I know where there's at least two maybe three of these over in Westminster Colorado. Not sure if they run or not as they havent moved in some time.

[ranwhenparked]

@whoistheleader I'm growing to appreciate how simple and rational and no-nonsense the Aries K and Reliant K were, for a country enduring a deep recession, a second oil shortage, and double digit inflation, all come out of basically a solid decade of a mediocre economy, they were pretty well the ideal cars for average people. Not sexy, not particularly special, but cheap, economical, well-packaged, and modern. Everything you actually needed, nothing you didn't.

Kind of wonder why nobody's thinking along those lines now? $30,000-$40,000 list prices for "ordinary" cars packed full of complicated gadgets, selling with 7 or 8 year financing is not going to be sustainable in a prolonged Second Great Depression, but automakers all seem to be plowing on business as usual regardless.

[WhoIsTheLeader]

@ranwhenparked Well all the cars that were as basic and no nonsense as the average K car weren't actually bought in appreciable quantities. It's not that automakers won't make them, it's that people won't buy them. I agree that 35k is a crazy amount to pay for a family hauler on the median American income. These long loans, especially the subprime ones, are going to come back to bite the economy.

I know not everyone shares my distaste for going into debt but people have been chronically waaay overbuying on their cars to a point that will hit critical mass. There's a reason why the most fun car in the world is the one that you own outright.

I don't hate the K car. They were what people wanted AND needed at the time and it saved the company. I also don't hate the PT Cruiser because it was the exact right amount of novelty and a genius marketing move. Would I want to drive either today? Heck no.