"STEP FORTH FUTURE PALLET KING"
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Every now and then my friend Anders has a bulk load of pallets to get rid of. He always sees this as an opportunity to try and make "best of Craigslist" (is that still a thing?) with a very creative listing. Here's his latest submission. Full text below in case the ad comes down.
200 Free Wooden Pallets for investing/fun/stacking/art/fire (Durham/I-40/Hwy55)
We have pallets. We don't want pallets.You have no pallets. You want pallets.
Here's your best move: with lumber prices like they are, you come get these pallets, it's probably about 11 billionty dollars worth of wood. Sell it to someone for some Doge coin. Diamond hands. Wait till Musk posts. Then, convert it all into new nVidia cards and start mining bitcoin. Pro tip: use some of the pallets to build your own power plant. Strict 180 days of that, then dump it all and jump on AMC stock TO THE MOON. Once it all pays off, you'll finally have enough money that Melinda Gates will be regretting that she didn't divorce YOU.
It's like Aphrodite has reached down from Olympus and touched this tiny piece of the internet and put together two lost souls that so need each other. It's like Buddha, in his 179th reincarnation, finally found a perfect Yin to match Yang, and our pallet excess can become your pallet supply. It's like Justin Beiber won't even have to be Sorry anymore, because you found pallets.
You can come and get these pallets right now. We are near the Highway 55 exit of I-40. They're stacked up at the edge of the parking lot outside units #315 and #316. Some are in prime condition. Some, well, some got jilted by their lovers, and hit the bottle. Tragedy.
Just IMAGINE what you could do with all these free pallets! The possibilities are endless! Build a fort! (WITH a retractable drawbridge!) Porch! Dog house! Fence! Bike ramp! Half pipe! Photo studio! Mercedes Benz! Space shuttle! Compost bin! Raised garden! Bonfire signal for rescue! Ferris wheel! Submarine!
Of course, some of those might be very very difficult and others could be very very dangerous, so we don't recommend any of them, and you'll have do to it all on your own time and property. Not here. And the Mercedes Benz, well, watch out for copyright issues. Use the pallets to build a "Mersaydes Bens" and you'll be fine. Also... if you're choosing to build the submarine, I can't vouch that these pallets are made of pressure treated lumber. I mean, most of them are made of top secret, military/aerospace "magic-wood", so they're fine for submarines, I'm just saying that I can't SIGN PAPERWORK saying that they're aerospace magic wood. Because I promised NASA.
Google maps link: http://g.co/maps/kyzjv
1725 Carpenter Fletcher Road
Suite #315 and #316
Durham, NC 27713
J and W ToolsYes, we still have them. If they are gone, I'll take down this post. If the post is still here, then we still have pallets. If you send me an email that says "Do you still have any pallets?" just imagine that I have already answered immediately with the response "Yes." because if the ad is still here, we still have them.
What size are they? Most are around 40" wide. But we also have some that are about half that. They're so cute! They're like the kittens of pallets! If your wife drove by and saw them, they're so cute she would make you pull over so she could take a picture.
Come get them. Load them up. After hours is fine.
Will I take some pictures of them for you? No, I will not. Everyone knows that taking a picture of a pallet steals it's soul.
Will I provide exact measurements for you? How gauche. Do you know what that could do to a pallet's self esteem? It's unthinkable.
You might be thinking "Oh, I don't need pallets." WRONGLY! You cannot yet fathom the depth and breadth of the respect you will be showered with for making the brave decision to acquire your own private supply of stacking accessories. The sheer quantity of "OMG, that reminds me of this picture I saw on Pintrest!" is, frankly, not something for the faint of heart.
Take one. Take twenty. Take 700,000,000. Take my heart. But you'll never take my freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Really, you could be the Slim Shady of pallets....
Look
If you had
One shot
Or one opportunity
To seize all the pallets you ever wanted
In one moment
Would you capture it
Or just let it slip?STEP FORTH, FUTURE PALLET KING, CLAIM YOUR DESTINY
Bonus:
Rally cars and nonsense
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@dusty-ventures I will now and forever think of half sized pallets as kitten pallets.
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@dusty-ventures hells bells. that was a good read
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@dusty-ventures I love the pre-answer to why he won't send pics..
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@dusty-ventures
Well done but no mention of making a bar out of them.
The pre answer for no photos is top notch tho. -
@dusty-ventures
There writes a man with way, way too much time on his hands. -
@dusty-ventures i think your friend is missing an entrepreneurial opportunity with those pallets. Free? What is he, some type of commie?
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That's at least $100 of pallets. A good start on my new portable home.
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@dusty-ventures
Instructions unclear. Though I would like a pallet of kittens.... -
Damn, now I want some pallets.
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@dusty-ventures I have 20-30 pallets that I was gonna list as deconstructed coffee tables but I may have to steal this in its entirety.
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@dusty-ventures
I don't know what your friend does for a living, but I believe your friend missed his calling. -
You might be thinking "Oh, I don't need pallets." WRONGLY! You cannot yet fathom the depth and breadth of the respect you will be showered with for making the brave decision to acquire your own private supply of stacking accessories. The sheer quantity of "OMG, that reminds me of this picture I saw on Pintrest!" is, frankly, not something for the faint of heart.
The best part of this whole thing, though it's all fantastic!
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But be careful not to anger the Guardian of the Pallets
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Fantastic.
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@dusty-ventures When I got gas yesterday, they had some pallets plus some scrap metal (looked like old shelving?) out for free. I didn't take any, but maybe if they had been more persuasive...
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jminer -
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