My roomies peeve me off...
I'm gonna rant, and it's gonna be pointless, read it if you want, but you probably won't benefit from it (or even find it interesting). Get ready for ramblings.
My roommate and his girlfriend (who lives with us, and could technically just be called roommate, but it's hard to distinguish who I'm talking about if I just say roommate) are some of the most self-absorbed people I've ever met. It wasn't always like this. My roommate was an awesome guy, we connected over terrible jokes and videogames, but then he met his girlfriend and it's been a slow decline ever since.
Small things, like the way he talked and acted, changed on a dime. He became a yes man so fast rather than standing by his opinions. And from what I can tell, he has a hard time calling her out when she's wrong.
And she's a total valley girl. She doesn't want to admit it cause she's smarter than her sisters, but at the end of the day she's a total ditz. The reason this works for my roomie is because he gets to be the smart one 24/7. And trust me, he LOVES being the smart one.
Well, as time went on, it became less of a three-way dynamic and more of a 2 +1 dynamic... in my own home... where I pay rent on time whereas they both still owe me for this month's electric (another thing that peeves me. I make damn sure I pay people right when they say I owe them, but these two don't mind holding funds even though I know full well they have them). It's like being a third wheel every single goddamn day. "What do you want to watch" or "can I get you something while I'm up" or even "how are you" are no longer questions directed at me, just the girlfriend.
It's gross, and it reminds me why I enjoy being single, but whenever I do get into a relationship, I'll know it's a good one when I don't have to act like a total stranger, and isn't soooooo obsessed... I'm happy they're happy, at least they seem happy, but it's just so demeaning to feel like you don't have a place in your own home anymore.
This rant spawned because of their cat, which is the sweetest little creature on the planet. Well, they want to keep her out of my room because they think I have fleas. In their defense, we had a real bad flea outbreak before they got the car, and they targeted my room... but they also targeted the entire apartment building. I'm dirty, but not that dirty. They're gone now, and they have been for a long while. But they still see fleas on the cat because... well... it's a cat... yet they still pin the blame on me.
Anyways, I hold my tongue and try to keep my door closed, but the cat really likes my room. Today, I'm walking out and the cat makes a mad dash. I try to slam the door before the cat gets in, but it hits the cat and she slips inside, and now the roomies are mad at me for not picking the cat up... that'd be like trying to catch a speeding bullet.
Now they're acting all passive-aggressive, making me feel ganged up on in my own home over something stupid. They can be wonderful, we sometimes have great chats/movie nights (though, again she picks the movie every time), but they're rarer and rarer.
Debating moving my computer out of the living room, where it's hooked up to his TV. It was in there because, before the girlfriend moved in, my and my roommate streamed videogames. It was a blast, fond memories of laughing and screaming our way through monster hunter and cuphead. Then the girlfriend moved in, she didn't want to be on camera, and he never bothered to make time for streaming. Why should I? The only reason I hesitate is because they'll know it's their fault. They didn't want to stream anymore, I didn't want to keep me computer out there. But they'll never admit it's their fault and claim we were going to stream again "eventually." Yeah fucking right.
The most recent attempt to rejuvenate the streaming, and just play videogames as roomies, was when all three of us were supposed to take turns playing our favorite Mario games once a week (roomie played Super Mario 64, girlfriend played Super Mario Sunshine, and I played the vastly superior Super Mario Galaxy). We start with the roomie, get to the girlfriend, and suddenly they never have time to stream again when it's my turn. That was the last time we did, which was months ago.
They annoy me. I hate it. I can't wait for my best pal in the whole world to come down tomorrow so I finally have someone (other than the great folks on Oppo) to talk to, and then I can't wait for them to move out in October (they're looking at apartments, and I already know who my next roommate is. A classmate of mine who actually bothered to keep in touch when the pandemic forced us all into online school. Though if they decide to break the lease and move out earlier, I'll laugh my fucking ass off because the roommate's whole promise was he'd be my roommate through college and wouldn't run off before then).
I'm probably the bad guy to them too, but I never ask them to hand over the TV when I need to do something, and when I say "let's do blank at blank I'm ready the minute that I said I would be. Meanwhile, the girlfriend is off doing Instagram photoshoots of her cat even though she said "yeah let's play a game at blank," forcing me to wait hours before we play whatever game that is.
Keep in mind, they're the only social life I have left nowadays (other than Oppo, again).
Oh, they don't do their dishes either. Like, they'll make dinner, then leave the dishes overnight, then make dinner again and leave dishes in the sink to the point where I don't have room to do my dishes... When I have kids, they'll know to at least rinse their plates and pans, get all the gunk off so that it doesn't smell... yuck...
I think that covers it... I'm gonna go get food somewhere other than my apartment... Thanks for being good people Oppo.
Tripper last edited by Tripper
@taylor-martin Sounds like you'd be better off with a single roommate or on your own and those two in a place by themselves. It's a shame when friendships dissolve over a significant other but its a slow burn like you indicated and a very common occurrence.
I waited long and hard to find someone that understood how close I am with my pals (and cars) so I could keep them close. So has most of my core group, but those who have brought in SO's that don't gel..well either the SO does not last long or the friend quickly fades.
One of my close buddies left his girlfriend for his ex and married her shortly thereafter. I was happy for him, but the girls in our crew LOVED his former girlfriend to the point where I saw her more than him for a while. Now I never see either of them... I always thought it would be kids that would cause the great divide...turns out its before that, haha.
Anyway, that's a trash situation. Being incompatible with the people you are living with is so difficult to deal with. My best friend and I ended our lease early the only time we lived together and were able to preserve the friendship because of it. Hopefully things turn up.
EssExTee last edited by
@taylor-martin I think I got you beat, my roomies may have just lost me an $1,800 security deposit because they were smoking in the entryway to the building instead of fully outside when the property caretaker happened to roll up...
I waited long and hard to find someone that understood how close I am with my pals (and cars) so I could keep them close.
This is one of my non-negotiables. My 4 best pals turned me into the person I am today, and gave me a life outside of school, something I'd never really had before. So if a girlfriend doesn't like hearing about my pals, or they don't like me talking to them, I'll be the one to pull the plug.
One of those pals got a girlfriend and started changing for the worse. I didn't like the girl from the start, as I went to school with her and knew she was trouble. But he didn't listen. So I made him miserable the entire time they were together, poking fun of both him and her, to the point where it almost tore us apart.
Then he dumped her, realized the error of his ways, and said those three precious words: "you were right." His taste in women has drastically improved, and he doesn't change for them anymore either. Friendship saved! But the roomie situation isn't worth trying to salvage. Whether we're on good terms or not, they'll move out, and we'll likely never speak again.
@essextee Oh that's rough dude... My next-door neighbors are weed smokers, but my complex is so loose with the rules that even if someone ratted them out, they really wouldn't care. The roomies don't smoke, which is something I'm thankful for.
You should charge them for it since they were being stupid and it cost you money.
Tripper last edited by
@essextee Sounds like they now need to lose some teeth.
Tripper last edited by
CivicWagonEngineer last edited by CivicWagonEngineer
@taylor-martin I've been through many of these same things with roommates of my past. It just makes you appreciate it that much more when you find someone who you live with long term, whether that be a SO, a friend, or a cat. In the meantime, keep your chin up and focus on you
e90m3 last edited by
@taylor-martin You're in college, right? This your first time living alone?
BicycleBuck last edited by BicycleBuck
This is something we all have to deal with at some time in our lives. It helps us grow as individuals and learn what's ok and what's not ok. It's just a matter of time before they break up and your roommate will be looking to repair all of the other relationships he sacrificed for her.
In the meantime, it's not right for the two of them to dictate your entertainment. It's completely fair for you to bring your gear back into your room so you aren't twiddling your thumbs while waiting for them to finish the latest episode of Twilight. As for the other issues, buy yourself a good supply of disposable plates, bowls, and flatware. Let them take care of their own messes. If that means you have to change up your diet for a while because the cookware is filthy, so be it. Their parents didn't teach them better and it's not your job. They have to learn that lesson on their own.
As for the three of you living in the apartment, check the terms of your lease. It's very possible they are breaking them and your deposit is at risk. Don't put up with that. It's your credit they're messing with.
Chariotoflove last edited by
@taylor-martin Oh, room mate woes. You remind me of my freshman year with the two girls who lived in the room next to us in the dorm. One started dating this loser drug dealer, and he started spending the night. The other had enough when she couldn't sleep for hearing them creaking the bed frame across the room in the dark. She moved in with my roommate and me until the end of finals so she could at least get some study time and rest.
Sounds like you had a friendship with your roommate, which is always a bonus, honestly. He's doing the typical immature guy thing of changing his personality to center his life around the skirt he's with at the time. Nothing you can do about that. Gotta get new friends. As for living in your own home, lay down the rules for rent etc. between you two. I suggest you write them down together on paper and sign the agreement. Don't let yourself get stiffed on bills. Aside from that, try to just ignore them. If you can't, and it's intolerable, time to do the cost/benefit analysis of breaking the lease early.
Anyway, free advice, and you get what you pay for, but good luck either way.
Sovande last edited by
@taylor-martin this is 80 words fewer than my Senior Thesis.
Roommates are terrible. That's all the advice I can offer.
@tripper I'll miss the cat, but I am more of a lazy dog person (as in a dog that is lazy).
@e90m3 Yep. Well, alone as in outside of home. I like being out of my home state, but I'd like it more if the people I was with weren't so... eh...
As for the three of you living in the apartment, check the terms of your lease. It's very possible they are breaking them and your deposit is at risk. Don't put up with that.
We actually had a massive debacle about this a while back, when he refused to get her name on the lease because "it's a hassle and they'll never know." While it's true that complexes have no real way of proving we're lying if we said "she's only staying the week," it's not right. It took WAY too long for them to finally do it... That was kind of the point of no return and really proved where they were at as people.
Also, as of this post, I've moved my computer back. Feels nice, though now I may never come out of my bedroom again haha.
@chariotoflove The good news is they never said "can you cover me," it's just a matter of when. I have to remind them once or twice before I ever see the funds.
Also, it's tough finding pals down here, as all of my college friends moved back home, and all of my old friends are still in Maryland, and all the social conventions I'd use to find friends are closed... kinda stuck until they move out and I have my new roomie.
Thank you though, free advice is good advice!
dtg11 last edited by dtg11
@taylor-martin as soon as I heard roommate and his girlfriend who lives there I knew where it was headed. I’m sorry to hear about the troubles between you and your friendship. Hopefully when he moves out, it’ll be easier to be friends again (if that’s something you want).
Oh and if they’re continually late paying bills, take their cat as interest for their “loan”.
RallyDarkstrike last edited by
@taylor-martin Fun times! Sounds like you could use a little time to yourself! Hopefully joining us for some Elite here and there will help perk things up a bit!
VincentMalamute last edited by
@Taylor-Martin You may feel a bit better knowing almost all of us who made it through college and youth went through all that. Which is why I live by myself now. I would not live together with someone even if they were my girlfriend. Been there. Girlfriends are best when they have their own house and their own lives and live at least a few miles away.
Chariotoflove last edited by
@taylor-martin I had an apartment my Junior year that gave his friends his key. I would regularly come home to find strange people studying in my kitchen.
He also stopped giving me his share of the phone bill. I kept his knife set at move out as payment. They were shitty knives though.
e90m3 last edited by
@taylor-martin I feel everyone has a bad roommate story from college, I almost got suspended or expelled because of a roommate. I may or may not have had some previous incidents that put me in that situation, but I digress. I won't say it's a rite of passage to have a bad experience with a roommate, but as long as you learn from it, you'll probably be better long term. Additionally, as you see, relationships can change people, also a good take away.
I know it might suck now, but keep your head up and find a better when you can. I don't envy going through college right now.
@rallydarkstrike Part of the reason I was a bit frustrated with the tech is because I couldn't hop on with you guys. Would've been a blast, but I'm excited to start!
RallyDarkstrike last edited by
@taylor-martin No worries, sometime this week! We were just doing some attempted shenani....I mean, surface mining